Mental Demons ||BokuAkaKuroKen||

Introduction-Akaashi Keiji

Keiji hated his brain. All it was good for was giving him illogical thoughts and he just wished they would go away.
He has what is known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, ocd for short. His mind loved to torment him.

He struggled with abandonment issues, and so alot of his thoughts would be related to the few people he had left leaving him, it was his greatest fear. He felt the need to always be perfect, nobody would leave him that way, right? Who wouldn't want to be friends with a perfect person?
It was draining though, always trying to present as an amazing person, spending hours in the morning looking in the mirror fixing his hair just for the wind to ruin it the second he walked out of the door. He knew it was impossible to be absolutely perfect, but would that stop him from trying anyways? No.

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Keiji poured the milk into his coffee, putting the bottle back into the fridge and started heading up the stairs, it was all going normally, until he stopped half way that is.
"You didn't close the fridge. Imagine your family eating food that wasn't stored properly, it would be a shame if they died from it." his thoughts told him. The discomfort started to build up in his chest, ofcourse he knew he could easily feel that wave of relief by simply checking the fridge's door and so he did.

He walked back down, being careful not to spill any of his coffee, once he saw that the door was closed he gave himself a small nod and started walking up again. "Was it really closed? Or did it just look like that?" He sighed as the anxiety built up inside of him again, he walked down but this time he touched the fridges door aswell to make sure it was actually closed.

He started walking up the stairs just for this to happen all over again, it repeated another four times until he finally felt satisfied with himself. He'd reached that temperorary relief for now, and that was enough for him.

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As if ocd wasn't enough Keiji also struggled with suicidal thoughts. He wasn't necessarily depressed, he was pretty joyful when he wasn't extremely anxious, though he did have days where death seemed like the best option for him.

Everytime he felt like trying something he knew he would regret later he'd try writing instead, it usually helped him though writing can't fix everything. Keiji knew he'd feel alot better if he just opened up to someone completly but he couldn't risk losing anyone else.

He had a few things that helped him though, for example he'd keep a list of all the things he's thankful for in the inside pocket of his school blazer, and some earphones so he could try distracting himself during the day.

Keiji was extremely intelligent, to the point it's scary. He was straight A's in everything except maths, to be fair though people that understand maths are terrifying.
Usually if he got a question wrong it would be because he thought about it too much and scored out the correct answer replacing it with something else.

He found school rather draining but music was definitely something he always enjoyed. He was a pianist and a violinist, he liked writing music though he'd never finished a full piece, he'd usually make a good few chords then give up.

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Keiji had a therapist, they did sessions through phone calls together, though he was never completely honest with her.

"So Akaashi, ready to get this week's questionnaire out of the way?" His therapist asked. She had a sweet voice, it reminded him of honey, she was a great therapist aswell though he hated how she could always see right through him. "Yep" "Alright, as usual you can just reply with 'not at all, rarely, sometimes, often or all of the time' so the first question. I've been feeling numb and as if I can't talk to others." Keiji paused to think of his answer, he never truly understood what he was feeling, his brain was always a fuzz when it came to emotions, that's unless it was some anxious discomfort ofcourse. "Ah, sometimes" "Alright, I've had thoughts about harming myself or others, which is it?" Keiji gulped, this was the question he hated the most.
He lied everytime, he knew he couldn't be completely honest or his therapist would have to contact his parents about what he was doing and that was the last thing he wanted. Telling the truth was just too risky, even though he felt guilty being dishonest. "Keiji you still there..?" "Ah right sorry I zoned out, not at all" "mhm.."

As the session went on Keiji mentioned how he planned on joining a club in school to try and make some new friends, he felt it would benefit him in some shape or form, I mean there's no harm in trying right?

His therapist also gave some advice to try and help with his obsessive thoughts though he'd heard it all before, and it never actually helped him. He said it would anyways though.

As much as this all bothered him he couldn't bring himself to care too much. It would all be over soon anyways.