Where Do We Go From Here?

FOOL'S PARADISE

Sana

People were afraid of facing or thinking about the 'what ifs'.

What if I held onto her more, what if I chose someone else, what if I chose to prioritize myself, what if I fought for the one thing that I've wanted for so long? There are so many questions connected to those two words. And we were all being tormented by those kinds of thoughts, all the while thinking about what we could have done better, only to realize in the end that no matter how much we think about it, there's nothing we can do because it's already over. It was simple, but we just don't want to accept the reality of that.

However, what hurts me the most is the word 'Almost'.

It was like the cousin of 'What if'.

The feeling of being so close to what you wanted, but never got to the end point. Like when something that you really want is in front of you, but you never got the chance to reach it. It was heartbreakingly painful to think about how much we could have made it.

We almost made it.

And what made it worse for me is that I always see my 'almost'.

No matter what I do, that word seems to follow me everywhere. As a reminder of something that should've been, something that I should have.

I couldn't understand why people always ask me the word, 'Why?'

I mean, what is that for? Why do I love Dahyun? Why do I still hold on to what we used to have? Or Why can't I move on? There are endless questions.

But the thing is, when it comes to Dahyun. It's just pretty simple. There's no reason. It just is.

So, I ignored the signs.

What Dahyun and I had was slowly fading, slowly turning to dust. And I didn't know exactly when we had drifted apart, or what was the reason behind all of that. All I knew was that one day, she just came home and something definitely shifted. I tried everything that I could to get her attention to no avail. I even suggested a lot of activities that we can do, the things we normally enjoyed when we first started to date, but she refused it all. She always tells me that she needs to do something at the office, or she's too tired to do anything.

It was as if every way that I could think of, she also found a way to refuse.

For months, I tried whatever I could. But she turned down every single one of them.

There are a lot of times that I fall asleep crying, thinking about anything that I probably could've done to upset her or hurt her for her to act this way. But no matter how hard I tried to remember, I couldn't really tell what happened. It's like she just doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

But I still held on.

I ignored the signs.

Even if I felt her slip away. I felt her pull away, while I tried so hard to hold on. I felt her slowly falling out of love with me.

Dahyun

"Dahyun, can we talk?" Tzuyu called out. I sighed before turning to her, looking at her in question.

"What?" I grunted.

"I heard about what happened last time with Sana."

I raised a brow at her and scoffed. "Of course, you'd know. You always make it a point to insert yourself in Sana's life."

She sighed, "Do you know that Sana is still trying so hard to wait for you?" Tzuyu pointed out. "Unlike you, she still wants to save your relationship, no matter how impossible it seems. But why? Why does it feel like you're just making us all believe that you don't want to save your marriage too?"