It All Started with a Beanie

(28)

I close my eyes and breathe for a few minutes as I wait for the headache to dissipate. I feel Parsons' eyes burning through my body but I don't give him any attention.

"Beanie?" I open my sore eyes and can't help but feel bad the moment I see his worried ones. "Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with this. It was just a nightmare. You can go back to sleep." I turn away from him and wipe away a couple of the tears. I hear him sigh before grabbing both of my hands with one of his, his other hand pulling my face back towards him.

"Stop. Don't ever say that again." He says this kind of harshly and I feel a hint of pain hit my heart. He notices this and softens his voice. "I am here to help. I don't care when you need it. I am here. If I have to sit with you all night until you're better, then so be it. I'm not going anywhere." His eyes engulf me and before I know it, I'm pulling him in for a hug. He seems stunned at first but quickly realizes what I'm doing and wraps his arms around me. I breathe in his scent, finding comfort in him. 

I pull away and sigh. I raise my hand to my necklace and begin fiddling with it. He watches my every move.

"It was about my dad." I say. He sits there and waits for me to continue. "Ever since I was born, I adored my dad. He was my comfort person and I loved him. However, when I was eleven, he found alcohol." I sigh, closing my eyes and take a deep breath. Parsons grabs my hands and I open my eyes. He gives me a reassuring smile and I continue. "He was a policeman so he had seen some things but I have never figured out why he started drinking. But that didn't matter. He changed. He stopped showing up to my events, started coming home at one or two in the morning, stopped showing up to work, and became a completely different man. After a couple months, he was convinced my mom was cheating on him with one of her coworkers. She would never do that and she didn't but she couldn't change his mind." 

I stop speaking to prepare for the next part of the story. Parsons continues to sit and listen. I now notice that as I talk and think, I fiddle with his fingers but he doesn't seem to mind so I continue to do so. "One night, five or six months later after he started drinking, he came home at around two in the morning. I was twelve at the time and had a big test the next day so I was asleep. I remember waking up and hearing yelling going on between my parents. I walked to the living room and saw my mom lying on the floor, blood coming out of her forehead. Dad was sitting in his chair and saying some absurd things. I could tell he had been drinking since he kept slurring his words, but he started saying mean things to me once he noticed me. He talked about how he never wanted a kid but then I came along and he had to care for me and basically saying how much of a burden I was." I feel Parsons thumb stroke my cheek, telling me I was crying again, but I continued my story. "I tried to tell him to stop, so he wouldn't say anything he would regret but he just kept on going. He walked towards me and that's when I noticed the gun in his hand." My breath begins to quicken but I fight through it. "He continued to shout mean things at me. I remember Mom trying to come closer to me but she struggled. Dad held so much anger in his eyes. He pushed me to the ground, causing me to hit my head. Next thing, I hear two gun shots. I try to look to Dad, but all I saw was him laying on the floor, blood pouring out of his head before I fell unconscious. I woke up the next day in a hospital bed and with the news my dad was dead."

With my head downwards, I can faintly see the warm tears trickling down my face onto the sheets. 

"Erin..." I hear his fragile voice breaking through the air. His hand moves towards my face. I feel my chin being lifted up. His emerald eyes meet mine and I feel myself calming down. 

"I'm sorry for laying that on you." I whisper.

"Don't apologize. I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me." He gives me a slight smile before a sympathetic one takes over. "I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I can't even imagine how that felt." 

"It was horrible. I can still feel the spit flying onto my face. I can still see the anger in his eyes. I can still hear the ringing in my ears after the gunshots went off. I remember it all as if it was yesterday." I struggle to speak but I push through it. Looking at Parsons makes it easier but the look in his eyes makes me want to cry even more.

"Beanie." He stares into my eyes, an unfamiliar look in them.

"Yes?" I whisper, my voice growing hoarse by the moment.

"I can promise you that as long as I'm around, I will do everything in my power to protect you." He pulls me closer to him and I think he's about to place his lips on mine, he presses them to my forehead. His warmth radiates over my body and I can't help but  feel at home. He pulls away and moves us off the bed. He lays down on my bed and opens his arms.

"What?" I ask in confusion.

"Just come here." He says. He smiles at me and I comply. I lay beside him and allow him to adjust us. He lays on his back and I flinch slightly when his hand wraps around my back and onto my waist, pulling me as closely to him as I can physically be without being on top of him. As if it was instinct, I place my head on his chest and my hand across his abs. He pulls the blanket on top of us. I mimic his breathing patterns and find comfort in the rise and fall of his chest. His warmth spills onto me and I find myself wanting to drift into sleep. With his right hand, he holds the hand I have on his stomach. With his left hand, he rubs small circles with his thumb on the small of my back, slightly under my shirt. Although I am not a fan of physical touch, I find myself loosing all tension in my body and allowing sleep to overcome me.

Although I relived a horrid memory just moments before, the only thing occupying my mind as I fall asleep is the boy that I am laying with in the moment.