the 1 | chaennie

58. Cruel Summer

Oh, it's new
The shape of your body, it's blue
The feeling I've got
And it's ooh, whoa oh
It's a cruel summer

It's cool
That's what I tell 'em, no rules
In breakable Heaven but
Ooh, whoa oh
It's a cruel summer
With you

I'm drunk in the back of the car
And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar (oh)
Said, "I'm fine", but it wasn't true
I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you
And I, snuck in through the garden gate
Every night that summer just to seal my fate (oh)
And I screamed, "For whatever it's worth"
"I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"
He looks up, grinning like a devil

-
"Okay, let's talk," Jennie demanded, storming upstairs.

Plodding wearily up each step, Rosie raked a hand through her hair, feeling drained and woefully unprepared for the kind of conversation they would be having. Jennie probably wasn't prepared for it either, but it was all boiling to the top, and Rosie didn't have in within herself to keep it hidden away any longer. But how to get into it?

She was silent as she switched on the lights, flooding the house with a buttery yellow glow as she felt Jennie's eyes drilling into the back of her. Rosie didn't know where to begin, how to even explain what she was feeling. It was easy, putting it into words, but to say it aloud was another thing entirely. And after so long keeping it to herself, or whispering it to the room as Jennie slept beside her, it felt almost wrong. It was going to mess up everything they'd resolutely tried to keep together for so long now.

"Rosie."

Jumping slightly at the sound of her name, sounding harsh and pleading coming from Jennie's mouth, she whirled around, her cheeks flaming as frustration welled up inside her. Balling her hands into fists, Rosie stared at her with gut-wrenching confusion, helpless and small and brimming with the verge of tears.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Anything! Just ... say anything! I come here in the middle of the night and you're gone with your bags and without a word. I mean ... were you leaving? Were you even going to say goodbye?"

With a huff of laughter, eyes bright with pain, Rosie rubbed a hand over her face, "okay, fine, yes, I was leaving. I was going back to my own house because the renovations have been finished for months now and it's ridiculous that I'm hiding out here in this house that I'm spending a fortune on rent for just so I can sneak around with you. Is that what you want to hear? That I've been lying just so we could have more time together, until I realised last night that it's just- it's all pointless! You're going to leave anyway, so I was going to leave first. And no, I don't think I was going to say goodbye, because I didn't want you to look at me like that, because it's already painful enough without having to feel like the world's most selfish asshole."

Spluttering, Jennie looked aghast as she paled and drew back, a thunderous look on her face, "I- what?"

"And I'm mad at you for being the kind of person I would immediately fall completely in love with because it was devastating every single time you left. And I was so close to getting over you this time but I can't. I can't because I'm just- I'm sad. This summer has been ... the worst time of my life and it makes me so miserable to not have you because I- I hate the fact that there was a chance that I would've been with you and I let it go. It breaks my heart, and I can't do it anymore, so ..."

Staring at her with a look of utter devastation, her cheeks red and a flinty look in her brown eyes, Jennie turned her head to the side, muscles jumping in her jaw as she flexed her fingers. It took her a few moments to compose herself before she replied, her voice brittle and tense as she met Rosie's gaze again.