the 1 | chaennie

47. 1989

"How'd you see her again?" Nayeon gently prompted.

"It was the AMA's. They were at the end of November and I was scheduled to perform, and also be honoured with the Dick Clark Award for Excellence. It was a big thing. Of course, I didn't realise Jennie would be there too. And what made it even worse was that she was sitting right next to me! Front row with Wendy. She'd starred in a music video for Wendy and was invited along as her date for the evening, and a last-minute presenter for Wendy's performance of the song, which I obviously could never have known. Truth be told, I think I would've gone anyway, even knowing she'd be there."

A flicker of surprise ran across Nayeon's face, before she composed herself, giving Rosie a questioning smile. "You would've? Right when you were just starting to move on? I know from experience how easy it is to lapse back into old habits."

Helplessly shrugging, Rosie bit her lip as she sheepishly smiled. "It was a shock and I slipped. I definitely lapsed right back to the middle of all those confusing and infuriating feelings of missing someone, being angry and sad and just ... exhausted. Heartbreak is so exhausting, isn't it? But it was good for me too. It hurt but we got to talk and then after that ... all of a sudden it was easier. Closure can be such a comfort, especially when I was at the beginning of a new era in my life and career. I think it was necessary. It still hurt."

Her bangs had grown out enough to sweep to the side, her blonde, straight hair chopped to just above her shoulders, brushing her skin if she tilted her head slightly. Lisa was with her in L.A., staying at the same hotel and dressed in fluffy white robes as they got ready together for the AMA's with Rosie's makeup team. A kink was curled into her hair, her lips were painted blush instead of red, and she slipped into a Michael Kors sheath dress, jade green with a sweetheart neckline and a semicircular window cut out of the front, below her chest. Sheer nude fabric covered her shoulders and back, giving the illusion that it was strapless. Lisa wore a black leather bralette and skirt.

A car drove them to the Nokia Theater with Hyeri, bypassing the barricades as Rosie anxiously ran her hands over the thighs of her dress, her skin prickling with anticipation. She'd been there yesterday to run through her scheduled performance, and she felt the familiar swoop of her stomach with nervous excitement, the muffled sounds of screaming growing louder. They'd opened a bottle of prosecco back at the hotel and Rosie ran her tongue over her teeth, her mouth dry with the taste of peaches and honeysuckle as she steeled herself.

"Ready?" Lisa asked as the car slowed.

Glancing over her shoulder as the door was opened by security, Rosie gave Lisa a crooked smile, her shoulders rising and falling in a careless manner, before she stepped out.

Camera flashes greeted her with starbursts of white blotting her vision, cheers deafeningly loud as she kept a perfect white smile in place, letting her body adjust to the onslaught of sensory overload. Forcing her shoulders back, her chin raised, Rosie moved up on the red carpet with Lisa closely behind her, the car pulling away to make room for the next.

She took a few photos with fans, moved along the row of photographers snapping photos against the backdrop, and was drawn in interviews with popular news sources, charming and seemingly at ease as she laughed and smiled, loosened up from the alcohol warming her. The noise was overwhelming though and she was relieved when she made it further along for the screams to quieten, finding herself in the smaller interview booths with Lisa. Perching on her friend's knee, sideways glances and secret smiles as they were interviewed by a show host, snorting with laughter as their conversation overlapped.

Eventually, the trio made their way inside, Hyeri moving off with an armful of coats and bag, leaving the girls to fetch themselves drinks from the bar and mingle with the music industry's elite. Jongin was there, wearing a blue velvet blazer and a t-shirt from some old sci-fi show, quiet and unassuming as he stood with the rest of his old band. The boys from Exo were there and Rosie caught Suho's eye, giving him a friendly nod, but keeping her distance as a precaution. The media might get the wrong idea.