Charlie(mind) 4: please someone fucking help me

Initiation

"You hog faced bastard, you fucking knocked me out!!" Pyramid Head yelled suddenly, turning to Gru, who was smirking smugly with a glassy, half-present look in his bulging amber goat eyes. "Two miles down and still descending!" Moreau called from the control room. "Oh my god this is a nightmare." Endie whispered, staring with muted terror out of the circular window into the inky black water beyond, a void except for the occasional bubble that drifted past caused by the submarine's descent. "Hey skipper, will this window withstand the pressure at the bottom of the trench?" Pyramid Head asked, joining Endie at the window. "I dunno, we'll soon find out!" Moreau called back, pressing a few buttons with a claw. "Mackerel scalp." Gru snivelled joyously, and one of the control panels exploded. "P-PLEASE KEEP HIM OCCUPIED!!" Moreau yelled, frantically putting out the fire by grabbing a nearby hardback book about submarines and whacking the flames repeatedly. Pyramid Head opened a drawer, rummaged around for a few seconds, and then pulled out a soggy box containing a jigsaw puzzle. "Hey Gru, solve this." He said flatly, throwing the box at Gru, who caught it perfectly between his malformed asscheeks and gurgled, "Sawjig shall be rejigged."
"Yeah whatever, just stop destroying shit." Pyramid Head muttered. "Shit?" Gru echoed with obvious enthralment, 'shit' being the only word his gnarled, misshapen, corrupted but undoubted hallowed mind had picked up on. "Let's have a singalong to pass the time while we dive!" Charlie suggested cheerily. "Oh my god let's fucking not." Pyramid Head said flatly. "What about 'yellow submarine' by the beetles?" Moreau suggested. "I like that song!" Ash chimed in with a grin. "And I'm Ringo." Gonzo whispered with delirious glee. Endie went to say something but cut himself off by throwing up enderpearls and promptly passing out. "If one more person throws up I'm gonna loose my shit." Pyramid Head stated bluntly. "He's probably suffering from mild barotrauma due to our descent, don't worry about it," Moreau explained before glancing at a computer screen on one of the control panels and saying, "We're three miles down now."
"Come on gang, yellow submarine; one, two, three-" Charlie grinned before breaking out in song, "In the town where I was born, lived a man who sailed to sea, and he told us of his life, in the land of submarines," Moreau had joined in with Charlie at this point and they both continued, "So we sailed on to the sun, 'til we found a sea of green, and we lived beneath the waves in our yellow submarine!" Ash had joined in now too, and at the chorus everyone except Pyramid Head, who was getting more and more irritated, and Endie, who was still unconscious, joined in to sing, "We all live in a yellow submarine!! Yellow submarine, yellow submarine!! We all live in a yellow submarine!!
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine!!" Gonzo wasn't singing, and instead was playing his musical nose like a trumpet. "And our friends are all aboard, many more of them live next door, and the band begins to play...!" Moreau shrieked as a dramatic solo before everyone began again, "We all live in a yellow submarine!! Yellow submarine, yellow submarine!! We all live in a yellow submarine!!
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine!!" Pyramid Head eventually joined in, bored and too tired to protest as everyone yelled, "Full steam ahead, Mister Boatswain, full steam ahead!! Full steam ahead it is, Sergeant!! Cut the cable, drop the cable, aye-aye, sir, aye-aye!! Captain, captain!!" It was Ash's turn for a dramatic solo as everyone else fell silent and clapped along as he rasped out, "As we live a life of ease, every one of us (every one of us), has all we need (has all we need)," Now Charlie and Moreau joined in again, the disjointed, off-key song gradually rising to a crescendo for the final chorus, "Sky of blue (sky of blue), and sea of green (sea of green), in our yellow (in our yellow), submarine (submarine, aha), oooOOOHH...!" Now everyone joined in, including Endie who had finally regained consciousness, to belt out, "We all live in a yellow submarine!! Yellow submarine, yellow submarine!! We all live in a yellow submarine!! Yellow submarine, yellow submar-" Suddenly, Endie let out a shrill scream and everyone jumped and fell silent as he pointed a trembling finger at the window and hissed, "I-I saw something moving out there!! S-something big!!!"
"It's the fucking ocean enderwhore, of course you're gonna see shit moving out there!! It's full of fish and octopussy and shit like that you fucking genius!!" Pyramid Head snapped. "Pyramid's right, it was probably just a shark." Charlie smiled, turning his attention back to the controls. "A shark?!" Endie squeaked in terror. "Sharks don't dive this far d-" Moreau began, only for Charlie to subtlety put a finger to his lips as an indication to stop talking. "W-won't a shark try and break in and devour us all?" Endie asked, his voice trembling. "Sharks are actually very docile, gentle creatures, nothing l-like the monsters they're portrayed as in the media. I'd much rather come across a shark than a dolphin while out swimming, dolphins are f-fucking mean," Moreau informed him, "They'd maim you for fun and then bang your remains. There are documented cases of them doing that."
"Wloksrm hszig." Gru gargled, and another control panel exploded. "Bastard!!" Moreau shrieked, grabbing the hardback book again. "At this rate we'll never make it to the bottom of the grand trench. Or back to the surface, for that matter." Ash grinned as Moreau put out the flaming controls with the book. "I actually think I'd rather die than make it to the bottom of the marijuana trench." Pyramid head stated flatly. Moreau retched up a bottle of store-bought beer, flicked the cap off and took a swig. "Hey fish face, how much longer will it even take to get to the bottom of the Mariana canyon?!" Pyramid Head snapped impatiently, slouching onto a chair. "I dunno, but one thing I do know is that I dont wanna be sober when this submarine implodes." Moreau replied, taking another swig of his beer. Endie stumbled back and fainted again, landing with a crash on the floor. "Is he ok?" Ash asked with a concerned expression. "Fucking peachy. You know what? Fish dick's right, I can't do this shit sober. Anyone got any booze?" Pyramid Head asked flatly, watching enviously as Moreau chugged his beer. Charlie retched up a bottle of jack daniels and Gru retched up a bottle simply and ominously labelled 'booze'. "The amount of people with the ability to regurgitate glass bottles in this submarine is concerning." Pyramid Head stated flatly as he took both bottles. "Sh-shit, we're five miles deep now and still descending rapidly!" Moreau called, throwing his now empty beer bottle to the side and pressing some buttons on the control panel. "Not rapidly enough." Gru crooned, and suddenly, the submarine began to plummet down through the black water at a terrifying speed as if dragged down by some invisible force, much faster than it had ever descended before as it went diving further and further down below the ocean's surface miles above. Everyone stumbled, most of them falling over as Endie howled yet again in terror and Pyramid Head yelled, "GRU WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!!"
"SIX MILES DEEP AND- O-OH MY GOD!!!" Moreau cried hysterically, pulling himself to his feet and stumbling over to the control panel. "WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!" Endie screamed hysterically, crawling around the floor pathetically. "Everyone remain calm and hold onto something!!" Charlie grinned hysterically as everyone went tumbling around in the submarine, the fluorescent lights now flickering on and off continuously and a red warning light illuminating the submarine in an eerie red glow. "Th-that won't help, w-we're either gonna get crushed by the pressure or hit the ocean floor and go splat!!" Moreau yelled, frantically pressing buttons and, not being able to press them all with his hands, sprouting tentacles from his back which he used to tap buttons out of his reach. Endie howled again in terror and Pyramid Head punched him into silence and yelled, "GRU, STOP THIS FUCKING MADNESS BEFORE I EVISCERATE YOU YOU FUCKING BAG OF BLOAT!!!"
"QU-QUICK, THE SUBMARINE MANUEL!!!" Moreau yelled, and Charlie threw him the hardback book. Moreau caught it and frantically flicked through the pages, everyone crowding round as he desperately tried to find out how to fix their situation. "OH GOD, THE PADGE ABOUT HALTING A RAPID DESCENT IS BURNED!!!" Moreau shrieked. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S BURNED?!!!" Endie screamed. "I USED IT TO PUT OUT THE FIRE!!!" Moreau yelled hysterically, and Pyramid Head grabbed the book and yelled, "MOREAU YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!"
"HOW FAR DOWN ARE WE NOW?!!!" Endie cried frantically, and Moreau stumbled to the control panel and scanned over everything with his eyes. "SEVEN MILES D-" Moreau began, but was cut off as the submarine jerked to a sudden halt, causing everyone to stumble and fall over yet again. Everyone except Gru, that is. Gru gurned horrifically, grunted out, "Ve have arrived," and then raised a twisted, gnarled, emaciated hand and ripped the door of the submarine off with telekineses. Everyone immediately braced themselves for the icy rush of water that would explode in and knock the air out of their lungs, but to everyone's great surprise, nothing happened. Moreau, being the most confident in water, cautiously peeked his head out the gaping doorway in the side of the submarine to discover that the submarine was parked in some kind of giant glass semicircle, the sea floor beneath Moreau's webbed feet bone dry as he stepped out of the submarine and looked around in bewilderment. Inky-black water surrounded the glass dome, the occasional undiscovered deep sea creature flittering past the bizarre bubble, but the glass seemed to be made out of some unbreakable material, not a single crack in the dome's surface despite the countless tons of water pressing down all around it. The only light illuminating the semicircle was the dim glow from the submarine's lights. Everyone else followed after Moreau, looking around in confused shock. "How the fuck did we even get in here?! There's no door, the submarine would've had to pass through solid glass!!" Pyramid Head pointed out eventually. "Cell membrane." Gru sneered, giving Pyramid Head a patronising look that called him an idiot in seven dead languages. "This thing isn't made of glass, is it Gru?" Pyramid Head asked flatly with underlying hysteria, and Gru smirked heinously and said nothing. What he did instead was to regurgitate the jigsaw puzzle Pyramid Head had given him, the pieces flying through the air and landing on the ground to form the word GRU. Then a square of the floor inside the semicircle opened up like a trapdoor, revealing a steep, ominous staircase lined with red velvet leading down into the earth. The descending tunnel the staircase was situated in had small ornate wall lights bathing it in an eerie glow. "Follow me." Gru gurgled, starting down the staircase, and everyone else exchanged unnerved, perplexed glances and cautiously did as Gru said, seeing no other option as they went trailing after him down the deep staircase. They were walking down the staircase for a good ten minutes, everyone getting gradually more and more panicked until Endie was sobbing hysterically Pyramid Head was screaming into Gru's crooked, malformed ear, "GRU WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU TAKING US YOU FUCKING LUNATIC, DOES THIS STAIRCASE EVEN HAVE A FUCKING END?!!! YOU FUCKING SWEAT GLAND, TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE PLANNING-" He cut himself off as the staircase finally ended and they all stepped out into a large, grand room made of marble with red velvet carpets and a massive, gilded chandelier hanging from the ceiling in the centre of the room. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief to be out of the ridiculously long claustrophobic staircase, until a loud, jovial voice boomed, "Welcome to my hall of splendour, where G.O.D's bring their apprentices and I initiate those apprentices and grant them the title and power of a G.O.D as well!" The voice emanated from what looked like a mix between a throne and a swivel chair, and then the throne swivelled round to reveal none other than the grotesque goblin king from The Hobbit sitting upon it like a giant, melting, boil-covered flesh ice cream. "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!!" Pyramid Head yelled, head-butting Gonzo, who fell to the floor and stayed there. "I am the goblin king, part time G.O.D initiator and full time goblin king!" The goblin king smiled. "Wh-what do you mean 'G.O.D initiator'?" Endie asked nervously. "Yeah, what the fuck are you babbling on about you fat fucking shart?!" Pyramid Head snapped. "G.O.D is a title, it's basically a word for someone who harnesses or is granted otherworldly powers and abilities that they can use at will to manipulate reality," Charlie explained, "Basically like Gru or me."
"G.O.D, my friend! It stands for 'Godlike Oddities and Deities'!" The goblin king explained. "Well, who's getting initiated?" Ash asked. Gru peeled Gonzo off the floor and placed him on his feet in front of the goblin king before snarting, "Make my apprentice an official G.O.D, or I vill do it myself and devour your meek life force." Gru's eyes met the goblin king's and, in that brief moment of direct eye contact, the goblin king suddenly realised how unlimitedly powerful Gru really was and stumbled off his throne, dropping to his knees and gushing, "M-my lord, you are pure and unfiltered carnage!!"
"Down on your knees, And thank heaven, fasting, for a good man's shart." Gru chundered, and the goblin king wept and manage to choke out, "I-I worship you!!"
"Sometimes a thousand twanging instruments will hum about mine shart, and sometimes voices." Gru purged, and the goblin king trembled like a leaf and whispered, "I-I will do whatever you w-wish, my lord!"
"My apprentice. He is ready. Initiate. Him." Gru gargled with an obscene grin, gesturing to Gonzo, who was smiling vacantly, his eyes looking in two different directions. The goblin king raised himself up on trembling arms, lifted his great staff with a skull on top and placed it on each of Gonzo's shoulders booming, "Follow your spirit, and, upon this charge, Cry 'God for Harry, Worthy and Saint George!' You, my friend, are Worthy!!" Silence filled the grand room, and then Gonzo turned slowly to face the others, revealing that his eyes had turned into amber goats eyes like Gru's. "It is done." The goblin king announced. Then a glowing sword pierced through the goblin king's chest from behind, impaling him, and everyone watched in shock as he fell to the floor, dead. The uninvited entity that stood behind him wielding the glowing blade made everyone gasp.