Petal [h.s.]

TEN - YOU AND TEQUILA

But that word: friendship. It cut me to my core. That's all I'd ever be to him-his friend. I was wildly in love with him and all I'd ever be to him is his friend and that was fine because I'd been his entire world all this time. I knew this would happen once she started working with him. Finn was incapable of resisting the urge to take care of broken girls. Dani was a pro at playing the broken girl. They were a match made in heaven and I was the stupid, fucked up roadblock on the stairway there.

"I just need time to... I need space to..."

'Fall out of love with you.' I couldn't say the words. I couldn't handle the rejection or the pity he'd give me over my feelings toward him. I knew he would suddenly start to see me differently, start to feel guilty that he doesn't feel the same way and I couldn't handle it. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were, when I was his world and Dani wasn't even a factor in our friendship other than being my annoying little sister.

"We have to stop sleeping together." I said firmly, looking up at him again and nodding, "It has to stop. We'll just go back to being friends and it will be an adjustment, but it will be fine."

"Whatever you want, Belly." Finn said quietly, frowning.

"That's what I want." I nodded.

"You're the most important person in the world to me. The only family I've got. I'll do whatever you want, just don't leave me. Please." He said, shoving his hands in his pockets and giving me those angelic puppy dog eyes that I was so used to.

"I'm not leaving you." I reassured him, reaching up to touch his shoulder softly, hating the way my stomach flipped when I touched him.

I hated the way I felt around him. I hated my feelings for him and knowing they weren't reciprocated. I wanted a distraction from him, needed another person to focus on so that I wouldn't fall more in love with him. My mind strayed to Harry. He would be an easy distraction if he weren't dating someone else. I pushed him to the back of my thoughts, squeezing Finn's shoulder.

"Belly, I..."

"I know." I stated, my eyes shiny with tears that I wouldn't let fall. I knew what he was going to say and I wasn't able to handle those words from his lips. Not when they had a completely different meaning for each of us.

I nodded at him, keeping my stare locked with his for a moment before I turned and walked into my bedroom, shutting the door. I leaned up against the wall, shutting my eyes as I pushed the tears back, refusing to let myself get upset. I waited for Finn to knock on the door, to demand that I talk to him and figure something out. I wanted him to tell me that he loves me and will do anything to make this work.

I knew that he never would. That wasn't him. Not for me, at least.

As for Dani, we hadn't spoken since our blow up.

She tried to call me the next day, but I ignored her. I wasn't ready for that conversation. I wasn't ready to make up with her. Finn and I were good at pretending, we did it so often. We pretended that we weren't sleeping together, we pretended that there was nothing more than a friendship, we pretended that we were fine when we weren't. We had a good, solid front.

Dani and I didn't have that. We fought as only sisters could and we never properly made up from our fights. We'd be screaming at each other one minute and the next borrowing each other's make-up. This fight felt different for me, though, because this time it involved Finn.

There was tension between us as soon as I walked into the bar and I sent River to get drinks for me at the start of the night so I wouldn't have to face her. But then Harry arrived and I decided I'd rather go head to head with my stubborn little brat of a sister than be around him for a second longer.