WinterIron One-Shots!

Harm

TW: Self harm, anxiety, childhood trauma!!

Tony had always had struggles. He knew that. No one else knew though. He kept it to himself, dealing with it in a very unhealthy way which consisted of self harm and panic attacks. He never knew why, but a few things triggered him; conversations of his father, water (after the whole Afghanistan ordeal), talking about when he went through the wormhole with the missile, even talking about his anxiety. So he mostly avoided those topics.

When he was younger, his father did abuse him and he had been kidnapped a few times. He would always tell the kidnappers that his father would never pay the ransom, as that's what he was always told. Howard's words were, 'You really are stupid if you think i'd spend my money to save you, the Stark name doesn't deserve you.' Sometimes Tony would think he's right, often when he'd done something wrong on a mission or attempting to make a new project. For example, during the attack on New York, when Steve told him that he's nothing special, he circled back to his father's words.

At night, the horrors of Afghanistan often terrorised him. He would wake up from another memory of the whole ordeal, like being waterboarded, or when the shrapnel flew into his chest. Either way, he'd be waking up to a nightmare and would end up going to the workshop to distract himself. So most nights end up with him in his lab, yet another sleepless night in the past.

Right now, he had just finished cutting himself with a razorblade in his bathroom. He washed the blood away and put on Bucky's jumper, coving his fresh cuts. Surprisingly, his boyfriend, Bucky, hadn't found out about Tony's bad habits yet. He made his way to the living area, stopping in his tracks when he heard Steve say, "Howard was a good man, you know! He gave me that shield and that syrum and i'll be forever thankful." Tony quietly walked in, trying not to be noticed. He quickly entered the kitchen (which was attached to the living room, to make one big room) and let out a breath he never realised he was holding in.

He started the coffee machine and ran a hand over his hair, messing it up a little. While he waited for the coffee, he finally walked into the living room to be met with everyone staring at him. He quietly sat next to Bucky, hating the stares he was getting. He knew no one was meaning the stares in a a bad way, he just didn't like it.

"Hey," Bucky said, hugging his boyfriend impossibly closer.

"Hi," Tony replied tiredly. Bucky kissed his boyfriend's cheek gently and looked down at him.

"So that's where it went," Bucky said, tugging on the sleeve of his jumper that Tony was wearing. Everyone chuckled quietly, watching the two men's interaction. Tony instinctively pulled his arm back, not wanting Bucky to see his cuts. "Are you ok?" Bucky asked worriedly, noticing Tony's actions.

"Yeah, always. Why wouldn't i be?" Tony replied, leaving to get his coffee before any more suspicion arose. Once he had his coffee, he walked back into the living room and sat next to Bucky again.

It was about 30 minutes later now and everyone was laughing and talking. Bucky was sat back, resting and watching while everyone talked, including Tony. Bucky looked over at Tony, noticing that his sleeve was up a little. The he realised that he saw red, followed by some cuts. Fresh cuts. Bucky sat up, staring at his boyfriend's wrist until he noticed Steve staring at him, confused. Bucky looked away awkwardly, trying to focus back on the conversation Nat, Clint, Wanda and Tony were having.

But he couldn't help it. He couldn't stop thinking about it. Had his boyfriend hurt himself? Was he ok? Should he be worried for Tony?

His thoughts got the better of him, as he blurted out, "Tony is your wrist ok?"

Tony froze in place. He didn't look around, didn't move, didn't breathe, just waited. Bucky gently held Tony's arm and rolled up the sleeve. Tony winced at the pain and friction the fabric caused against his cuts, but let it happen. He knew it was only a matter of time until someone found out. Bucky's eyes grew wider and wider. There were so many cuts. There was no space with clear skin. All cuts. "Is it the same on the other one?" he asked. Tony nodded, snatching his arm back and holding back tears.

"Why?" Natasha asked. All eyes were on her now. Tony gave her a confused look. "I mean, why'd you do it?" she elaborated.

Tony sniffed and hesitated. "I don't know, it... helps i guess? Not a big deal," he said, clearly having no idea of what to say. Bucky sighed.

"Tony, you could've told me. Or anyone," Bucky said. Tony shook his head.

"No. I couldn't. You don't understand because you haven't been through what i have," Tony retorted. Before anyone could say anything else, Tony left and went to the workshop.

A few hours later, Tony heard a knock on the door of his workshop. He already knew it'd be Bucky as soon as the door opened. Tony turned around to see Bucky and they both stared at each other for a few seconds until Tony started crying.

"I- I'm sorry," Tony stuttered.

"It's ok, it's ok. Just don't do it again," Bucky replied.

They hugged for a while, then eventually both fell asleep on the sofa of the lab.

(A/N: Sorry it's a little rushed, I might make some changes to this).