Something Worth Losing | S.B

35: Almost

"Penny for your thoughts?" Sirius asked playfully as him and Beatrice sat by the lake, drinking in what was left of the clear air before the November rain completely took over. Luckily, they had gotten over the Halloween incident fairly quickly and their relationship resumed as it was. Confusing as ever.

Beatrice smiled, laughing lightly and shaking her head. "I won't trouble you with my thoughts. Not today, at least." She playfully nudged his shoulder with her own.

"Oh, please. I'm a good listener. And I'm nosy."

Beatrice was still opposed to the idea. She sighed and bit her lip. "Your brother." Sirius sighed in understanding. "It's just that I've barely seen him this term. I can't tell if I'm worried about him or just pissed off." She rubbed her hands over her face and smiled at herself. "I'm overthinking, aren't I?"

"I don't think so." Sirius shook his head sympathetically. He took a moment to chew on his lip and the two sat in limbo. "Do you want my opinion?"

"Usually? No. Right now? Yes please."

He laughed at that but carried on. "I think you have too much faith in him." Beatrice nodded dejectedly, having suspected just that for quite some time now. "He's an idiot but he's an idiot who can make his own decisions."

She picked at her nails. "Reg isn't a bad person."

Sirius chewed on his lip for a considerable period of time. When he did speak, his tone was measured and contemplative. "People do bad things when they're trying to survive."

She looked at him and clenched her teeth. His words, though accurate, filled her with a sense of dread about the years ahead of them. What scared her most was the unpredictability. She waited for a moment before she sighed. "I don't wanna do it."

"Do what?"

"What do you think?" She shook her head and looked back out at the lake. "Is there any way we could just fall asleep and wake up when the war's over? It sounds like cowardice, and maybe it is, but I just feel like..." she trailed off and sighed. "I don't want to go home at Christmas. Or Summer. I don't..." she shook her head again, and Sirius, getting the feeling that she was about to cry, pulled her into his side, and patted her awkwardly on the back.

"So, don't. I don't think it's cowardice." He was silent for a considerable period of time, as though he was thinking very hard. "You know, I mean I know I've said it before, but if it's your parents that you're worried about..." he shrugged, "James and Remus and Peter, I'm sure they'd be happy to have you. And, y'know, I need to find a new place anyway for when I leave school so, if you ever needed a place to stay..." he trailed off again.

The implications of Sirius' offer caused Beatrice's lips to curve into a grateful smile, and her stomach to curve into an intricate knot. "What about Agatha and Nancy and Alf? They're too young to sort themselves out." She pushed herself back up into a sitting position. She rubbed her face with her hands. "It's a very nice offer. Thank you." She smiled at him.

He smiled back, and in a truly horrible moment, Beatrice felt a sudden magnetic pull towards the boy, and his face almost looked different in a way. Beatrice was familiar with the feeling of butterflies, but this didn't feel like that. This was pure, unadulterated nausea. Why was she feeling like that? It was only Sirius. That same, familiar face, with the same eyes and nose and dimples and hair and lips and ...

No. Oh no. No fucking way.

Beatrice shot back in such a way that caused Sirius to jump and her to nearly slip down the small hill towards the lake. She stood up as delicately as she could and brushed off her tights, clearing her throat. Sirius stayed right where he was, just smiling innocently. "I thought you weren't afraid of me anymore."

"I was never afraid of you." She frowned.

"Yes, you were. Don't worry, I'm not offended." He paused. "It's because I'm so attractive isn't it."

She puffed air through her nostrils and folded her arms, wondering if she would be able to blame the blush on her cheeks on the cold. She narrowed her eyes but kept her tone playful. "I say this, and I cannot stress it enough, I find you completely repulsive." He threw his head back in a genuine laugh. "I have to go." She gestured back towards the castle. "I have four people waiting for me who are probably very curious as to my whereabouts."

He stood up and flashed his teeth at her. "Shame. I'm almost getting used to not wanting to argue with you." She stuck her tongue out. "Almost."

***

"And where have you been?" Grace raised her eyebrows.

Beatrice whipped around as though Grace had said something truly offensive. "Nowhere. I'm tired, I'm going to bed." She kicked off her shoes and jumped straight into bed, without changing out of her school uniform.

Before that day, she must have been the only girl in school who didn't fancy Sirius bloody Black.

A/N: Happy Christmas (or holidays if you don't celebrate Christmas), from me to you <3