Something Worth Losing | S.B

28: Moony

"Are you sure we can't go to bed early? We haven't seen anyone all night."

"I don't know, Bea." Regulus checked his watch at Beatrice's whining tone. "We're supposed to be out for another 25 minutes."

"Yeah but," Beatrice dragged her feet across the floor, "if there are students out of bed why don't we just leave them alone? We sneak out all the time, I hate being a snitch."

Regulus laughed. "Ok fine, but we'll walk slowly." They turned around, abandoning their Prefect duties and descending the stairs towards the dungeons. Just as they got to the bottom of the staircase, they ran into the Head Girl, seventh-year Hufflepuff, Saffron McKittrick. By the looks of things, she had also deemed the corridors empty enough to go to bed early.

"Hey, Saff." Bea greeted, noticing that she seemed confused and mildly pissed off. "You OK? You look like you're looking for someone."

The blonde girl sighed, tucking a ringlet behind her ear. "I asked Lupin to help me with rounds to speed things up but he never showed." Regulus and Beatrice furrowed their eyebrows and Saffron sighed again. "Bea, I hate to ask but could you see what he's up to? I heard that you two were ... friends." 

Beatrice clenched her teeth to stop herself for saying something rude or irritable. "Yeah, that's fine."

"Perfect. You're an angel." She turned around and headed towards the kitchens. Beatrice turned towards Regulus, rolling her eyes and groaning as Regulus stifled a laugh. 

The walk up towards the Gryffindor tower never got any easier, and when she knocked on the portrait door, she was half-pissed-off-half-amused to see a wide-awake Remus Lupin with a book in his hand, smiling at the sight of her as if she had knocked on the door of his own house. "Hey, Dupont." He made a gesture with his head that indicated he wanted her to come into the common room. 

"Er, hi." She stepped in hesitantly. "Um, Saffron said you were supposed to be on rounds tonight but you didn't show?"

"Oh yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Mm, I had a Charms essay to do and figured that Saff could deal with it herself, since you and Black were there anyway." He shrugged, sitting back down on the sofa. 

Beatrice nodded. "Prefect of the century."

Remus laughed at that. "Yeah well, I thought we had already established that."

He was considerably more relaxed than he was when Beatrice had last seen him. She supposed that that was the direct effect of hanging out with Sirius and James all those years. "Right. Well I'll just tell her that you had a study group or something."

"How were rounds?"

"Dull as usual. How come you're still up? It is after hours, you know." She said in a teasing manner as she sat down next him, kicking off her school shoes in order to tuck her feet up under her legs.

Remus shrugged. "Couldn't sleep. Just restless I guess." He sighed. Beatrice noticed an ashtray on the table next to the sofa with three cigarette butts on it.

Beatrice stayed silent for a few moments, then decided to take a risk. "Are you ill again?"

For the first time since she had known him, Remus did not become defensive at the mention of his illness. He just sighed. "Yeah." When he saw Beatrice's face he turned to face the window. "Don't make that face."

"What face?"

"That face you're making now."

"I'm not making a face!"

"Yes you are! Like you feel bad for me."

"I do feel bad for you!" She propped herself up and turned to face him. His face twisted from a grimace into one of unfiltered surprise. "I know that's not what you want to hear but I do, I feel really fucking bad for you."

"I-"

"I know that you're in pain and you have the boys, whatever," she rolled her eyes, "but if you're too proud to ask for help then-"

"I don't need help! And I'm not proud. I - I want to tell you, I really do."

Beatrice laughed ironically. "Then why don't you?"

Remus chewed on his lip and his cheeks flushed a faint pink. "I can't. It's not that I don't trust you, it's just..." he trailed off and Beatrice got a horrible sinking feeling in her gut.

"Is it ... like, a family thing?" She asked, scratching her arm, really not wanting the answer. Remus just chewed on his lip. Beatrice nodded dejectedly. "Whatever." She stood up to leave but Remus followed after her.

"Beatrice, please-"

"I bet you told Sirius."

"Yeah but-" Remus stuttered, "it's Sirius, and he doesn't even talk to his family."

"Oh, so it is that you don't trust me." She confronted him, folding her arms across her chest as she threw his words back at him. 

"No, please, forget I said that."

"So do you trust me or don't you?" She was well aware by this point that she was being pushy and if she was Remus she probably would have wanted her to stop too. But she couldn't. She had come too far now, and she had been respectful up until that point. 

"I do."

"Well then?"

Remus gulped and shook his head. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Beatrice's voice was quiet now. "I want to help."

"I'll tell you. I will. I just-" he rubbed his hands across his face, rubbing at his eyes. "Can it wait? Just a few more days? Just until Thursday." He was holding onto her arm, practically begging.

She considered it. "What's so special about Thursday?"

If Beatrice wasn't mistaken, a flash of amusement passed across Remus' face for the briefest of moments. "How well have you been paying attention in Astronomy?"

Beatrice shook her head and furrowed her eyebrows. "Jupiter's visible on Friday, Ursa Major's visible on Saturday," she began listing things she was able to remember about the upcoming week, "there's a full moon on Wednesday..." They just stared at each other.

"Beatrice." He whispered.

Beatrice just stood there, staring. Eventually she swallowed and said one word only. "Moony."