Better Off Dead [Discontinued]

Or Even Exist At All, How Come No One Heard Her When She Said... (4)

I saw the sign (Beca: bulletproof)

I saw the sign (Beca: bulletproof)

After the performance, as we walked off stage, I could tell that Aubrey was mad at me. I know that it's my fault for jumping in and singing some that we had't even rehearsed.

"What was that Beca, were you trying to throw us off?" Asked Aubrey who I could was very angry and upset with me.

"Seriously?! Okay, I'm sorry if I messed you up, but in case you hadn't noticed, everybody pretty much dozed off during our set!"

"It's not your job to decide what we do and when we do it. This isn't the Beca show. Why don't you ask the others how they felt about your little improvisation?" Chloe bit her lip and looked down at her hands. My gaze fell on Amy.

"Amy?" I asked quietly. She glanced up at Aubrey, then back to me.

"Yeah, it was cool... it's just took us a little bit by surprise..."

"Yeah, a lot by surprise." Aubrey adjust her scarf smugly. "I told you she wasn't a Bella." She remarked to Chloe, who immediately jumped in.

"Aubrey, don't-"

"No, it's okay, you don't have to pretend you're allowed to have a say in the group, right?" I cut her off, my attempt at casual sarcasm overcome by the emotions that I couldn't stop myself from feeling.

"Your attitude sucks, you're a grade a pain in my as and I know your hooking up with Jesse." Wow, that hurt.

"No, were not hooking up Aubrey." Said Jesse coming out of the middle of nowhere from behind us.

"Oh my god this is just perfect that your here right now. Can please just back off?" I asked annoyed with Jesse.

I turned around and look Aubrey straight in the face and said "If this is what I get for trying..." And than I turned back around and ran off.

I heard someone calling my name as I pushed through the exit doors and out onto the street. I walked in the dark until I saw a taxi and hailed it, instructing it to take me back to Barden. All the way back, all I could think was what a mistake I had made. This was the very reason why I had been trying to avoid Aubrey. So I would feel the pain of rejection, to try and avoid getting hurt like this, but now I couldn't stop the emotions. I rushed back into my dorm, stripping off my uniform as quickly as I could, I was already fighting the crushing pain in my chest.

This was to much for me to handle. Aubrey had rejected me. I know she didn't exactly come out and say I don't love you. But what she was basically saying, was a nicer way of I hate you.

I couldn't take it anymore. The only thing that I truly loved had turned me down.

I think a bullet would have hurt less than the emotional pain I feel right now.

Maybe I'm better off dead. I mean, my dad doesn't care about me, Chloe will find a better friend, the Bella's can replace me, and Aubrey. Well it is clear that from the start I meant nothing to her.

I couldn't stop all the negative thoughts and all my insecurities from coming to my head.

I reached under my bed and grabbed my box of razors. I had to do cut myself now. I made it on week but I think that's the longest I can take it. So I cut 1 into my arm and realized it isn't worth it. Why keep torturing myself when I can just end it all now.

I wrote down 4 notes. One for my dad, one for Chloe, one for the Bella's, and one for Aubrey. I putthem on my bed and I sat on the floor. I took the blade and placed it on my wrist close to my palm. Then I pressed down and felt a sharp pain in my wrist, but that didn't bother me. I began to cut up my arm, blood flowing out of it. I stop right before my elbow.

I heard someone banging on the door but I ignored it, I was to tired to get up. Not even 30 seconds later I began to feel very tired and clapsed to the floor. I was slowly fading away. My eyes were all most shut when I heard my dorm room open and loud scream. Than everything went black.

CHLOE'S P.O.V

We didn't make it. We had lost to the Foot Notes and the Trebles. But I didn't care right now, all I could think about was Beca.

I knew something was wrong. So I tried to hurry everyone up to get back to Barden as quick as possible. The whole ride home I was fidgety and nervous. I was really worried about Beca.

"Hey, are you okay?" I looked beside me to see who sat down and it was Stacie.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, but that was a lie. I mean I did want to talk to someone about it but Beca told me not to tell Aubrey.

"Really cause your shaking and your facial expressions and voice tell me that something bothering you."

"No, I'm good." Stacie didn't believe, I hope she won't start pushing. "Okay, whatever you say."

We got back to Barden 15 after I had talked to Stacie. I ran off the bus and went straight to Beca's dorm.

"Beca. Beca open up, it's me Chloe." I got no answer. I was getting worried, I kept banging but no one answered.

I started to cry "Beca! Open Up!" I really hope she was okay.

" See I to you something was wrong with Chloe."I turned around to see Aubrey and Stacie standing behind me.

"Guy, please you have to help me get into her dorm." I said desperately.

"Why do you wanna get into her room so badly?" Asked Aubrey confused.

"Because I'm scared Bec... HEY! Kimmy Jin!" Thank goodness she was here. " Can you please let us into your dorm, I think something is wrong with Beca." She agreed and unlocked her door and we went in.

I soon as we stepped into the room I broke down. I fell to the ground and crawled over to Beca and cried burying my head into her neck. Behind me I heard Stacie scream and Aubrey gasp. Kimmy Jin just stared a Beca with a mournful look on her face and pulled out her phone to call an ambulance.

I just hope they got here in time.