Postgrad Partners

Overwhelmed

Tori gulped and wiped her eyes, "That's the thing. I know I like you, Jade...but I'm not sure I like guys; not anymore."

Her mind was racing back to their high school years; to the boys she fell for and dated—Daniel, Ryder, and Steven—only to end in falling out of love, betrayed, and subsequent payback. It would make sense if she didn't like those kinds of guys in particular anymore, but those memories didn't affect her as much as others that followed; memories of strongly complimenting other girls' appearances and singing, feelings of repulsion or indifference when guys hit on her, even close friends like Andre, Beck, and Robbie when they tried to kiss her—knowingly or otherwise. Feeling overwhelmed again, she screamed into the couch's back cushion, making Jade flinch in shock.

As she started hearing more sobs from Tori muffled against the couch, Jade was at a loss for words and simply pulled her girlfriend in for another hug, letting her cry against her bare shoulder.

"I just don't understand this, Jade!" Tori choked against her sobs, "Why is this so hard all of a sudden?! Why do I care so much about not being straight or bi or whatever?! Why can't it just be simple for me to say I love you?!"

Jade felt her own eyes start to tear up as she answered, "I don't know. It's a lot to process, but...we can figure it out together. That's why I'm here with you, Tori." She wrapped her arms around Tori a bit tighter as she lowered her voice to a whisper in her ear, "I love you, too."

The couple spent the next hour on the couch, letting Tori's feelings out while Jade tried her best to comfort her, but the former falling asleep on the couch ultimately calmed her down. Jade sat alone on the floor, next to Tori like she was the night watch over an outdoor camp, trying to process what just happened. Was Tori having a crisis over her sexuality, her identity, her reputation? Whatever it was, Jade knew she wasn't qualified to help Tori through this alone. Getting up quietly, she grabbed her phone from her bag and went to her room to make a call. As she mentally prepared what she was about to say, she glanced at the calendar on the wall; thankful that it was a work-free weekend tomorrow.

"Mom?" Jade said as soon as she heard the call picked up, "Can you and Piper come by our place in the morning? I think Tori and I need your help with something."

Early next morning, Tori slowly awoke to the smell of eggs and buttered toast. Opening her eyes, she saw Jade hunched over the stove while Nora stood next to her, giving muffled instructions over the sound of oil and butter crackling in the pan. After sitting up and rubbing her eyes clear, she also noticed Piper sitting at the dining table, watching the mother and daughter quietly until her eyes fell on Tori. Smiling, she motioned for the young woman to join them as Nora passed plates around the table.

Tori took a long sip of water as everyone gathered around the table. She clutched her head, throbbing like a headache followed her through the night into the morning, eliciting concerned faces from Nora and Piper while Jade looked off to the side. Finally, she broke the silence by clearing her throat, "So I'm guessing Jade called you about my...panic attack last night?"

Nora nodded, "She did, late last night. She told us you were feeling...off...after dinner, particularly after the talk about you two not being 'out'." Her voice trailed off as Tori's face sunk lower and lower with the recollection.

Piper chimed in, placing a reassuring hand on Tori's shoulder, "Look, why don't you just tell us what's on your mind, Tori? I promise we won't judge you." With a glance to Nora and Jade, who both nodded in agreement, Tori took a deep breath and began to answer, her eyes fixed on the glass in front of her.

"I've had my share of relationships, most of them going sour one way or another. There was a guy I liked in my old school before Hollywood Arts, but we grew apart and just stayed friends...until he started dating one of our friends and...it got awkward. Then there were a few other guys I dated for a while..."