We're going to need more than five minutes

I love you

She took his hand and placed it over her heart, then did the same with his, all while sharing the most intense gaze into each other's eyes.

For a while they just sat there. Breathing together, feeling each others' hearts beating in sync, seeing, listening. It might have been minutes. It might have been hours, they wouldn't have been able to say. The material world around them had vanished completely, there were only their souls, minds and bodies that slowly seemed to fuse and become one. They didn't even fully realize when they started to make love, everything flowed naturally and organically, one movement leading to the next, there were just deep feelings and sensations, unlike anything either of them had ever felt before. Emotionally, they touched each other in places they never even knew were there, they gave themselves to each other, completely, unconditionally.

When they eventually lay next to each other, the playlist was finished and the candles were burned down, they finally realized that both of them were crying, they probably had been for a while.

She laughed under her tears and gently stroked his cheek, trying to find the words that could even remotely come close to be worthy of being spoken in this special moment.

„Thank you", she finally heard him say, followed by a little sob.

She wiped away his tears and whispered: „For what?"

„For... I don't know, for letting me, you know... letting me get so close to you. I never truly realized what it means... what it actually is to make love. How incredibly special and almost... sacred it is. I just want you to know, I'm... I'm aware. And how much I appreciate it, treasure it and how devoted I am to you for this. It feels weird to say, but, it is an honor."

She wiped away her own tears and nodded. „You're so right! It is... I open up to you, I invite you in... quite literally", she smiled, „into my body. I surrender, I give away my power and assume vulnerability. And I choose to do so, with you. Because of exactly what you just said. Because you're worth it. Because you understand, and you cherish, and you don't take for granted. You would never exploit the power I let you assume over me, you're present, and you pay attention, you listen to everything I say and everything I don't say, you're considerate and you always accept. I know you'd never make me feel uncomfortable or hurt me. Physically or emotionally. I know I've said it before, but you're special, Jordane. To me, at least. I feel whole when I'm with you. I trust you. Fully and deeply. Please... please don't ever abuse this trust!"

He swallowed down his tears and shook his head. „No, never! I couldn't ever. I love you, Lana."

For a moment there her mind went blank, and she could see it in his eyes as he realized what he had just said.

He stammered, trying to save it: „I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean... I mean, I love this... thing between us..."

„Shhh!", she shook her head and interrupted him, „It's alright, don't worry. It's okay. It was... an intense experience and our emotions may be a little heightened right now."

He swallowed, he was even shaking a little. He for sure hadn't planned to say the three magic words to her, not now, they had just come out before he had been able to stop it. He saw her slightly forced smile, and he was scared, terrified. He could feel how tense she had become, all of a sudden. Did he ruin it, everything they had built up between them, tonight and over the past month? God, please no! He didn't want to lose her. He couldn't lose her! He was so stupid and careless... Did he really feel that way about her? He had never thought about it explicitly before. But apparently his heart knew something that his head had been blissfully unaware of. Until now. Yes, he loved her. Big words, strong words, for sure. But they were the truth. And he wanted to repeat what he had just said more than anything, but she shook her head again, and he could see tears glistening in her eyes once more, a different kind of tears this time.

„I'm so sorry... but I can't say it back to you, Jordane. Not now. Not yet. I do have feelings for you, I hope that much is clear by now. But... I'm still so confused. And I'm probably a coward for not owning up to it, and I would like to be braver... like you. But right now, I'm not. I can't. So I'm asking you to not be ashamed of how you feel, or of being open and honest about it. And I'm asking you to please give me a little more time, okay? I gotta figure out my own feelings, I gotta figure out what I want. Please."

He took a deep breath, he wasn't quite sure what to make of her words, but he could see and feel that she was starting to relax, and finally he nodded. „Okay. Of course! However much time you need. I just want to be with you and enjoy our time together, like just now."

„Then let's not talk about this anymore and enjoy the rest of the night, huh?"

In one swift motion she turned him on his back and came sitting atop of him, then lowered herself down onto his chest and gently kissed his neck, his jaw, his cheek, finally his lips.

„I, for one, could go for round two... how about you?", she smiled when she could feel that he was more than ready to go too. He didn't need to answer any further. Whatever they had tried to rekindle tonight, they had certainly been successful. And so much more...