I do hate flying
At the best of times
But rum and coke helps
With two halves of limes.
If there are no limes,
Then lemons will do
But I still need the rum
And my husband to come.
He helps keep me calm
As we leave the farm.
He clasps my one hand
As the plane takes off
And gives me a mint
If I start to cough
Or there’s even a hint
That the trip might be rough.
When the steward comes
With drinks on a tray,
I’m ready for one.
Hip! Hip! Hooray!
He makes my day.
I’m almost ready
To give him a hug
But I once did that
And the guy did shrug.
That flight was so bumpy.
The clouds were real lumpy.
I asked him for a ‘chute
"Sorry ma’am, not today,
No way, not on this route"
And then, to my dismay,
He turned the other way.
I became annoyed.
‘Twas then that I toyed
With giving him lip
But my husband warned,
"Your mouth you must zip
Or you’ll go by ship."
And now that we have
All the terrorist scares,
My dear husband prepares
For over the ocean
In case I might cause
Another commotion.
We wear our life jackets
From the very start
Just in case we might
Be suddenly told
We have to depart.
We both don’t care
What others think
But know for sure
Our ship won’t sink.
