NEVER NOT ━━ JYPSY LOUD X READER

01 :: MITSUYUKI AMARU

published: 10/28/21
type: angst
———

if perfection was a person, i do not doubt that it'd be you. perhaps it's because you have me wrapped all-around your fingers, anything about you looked perfect to me.

i'm aware even you make mistakes, but your flaws are what i adore the most. the fact you are so imperfect makes me think you're more than perfect. you, who always tried so hard to better yourself had me starstruck.

i promised myself i wouldn't fall, but i fell in a way no other could save me. i couldn't help it, who wouldn't be able to fall for someone like you? like a kid staring at candy, you had my attention unlike no other.

the moment i met you, i felt like i could never love another the way i could love you. it is embarrassing to think this way, but it's the truth. life suddenly became more bearable.

every night, i dream of you and me together. my desire to be closer to you burns like millions of stars on a starry night. you are my definition of love, you are the reason why i am so eager to attend classes in the morning.

your smile is the reason why i can stand hours of lessons and lectures. call me silly but your grin could energize me more than any energy drink or coffee ever could.

the way you're able to communicate and interact with anyone effortlessly left me amazed. even the most unlikable had their hearts touched by you.

to be honest, we don't talk to each other much. you probably only thought of me as another classmate. frozen in place, my anxiety overpowers my longing to get closer to you.

i always watched you from afar. no matter what, my eyes always seem to drift upon your figure from afar. although you were looking somewhere else. or more like at someone else.

like a moon on a night, you're so close yet so far. like a small breeze, i can't catch you yet you're in front of me. like a level above me in which i can't reach.

your eyes always gravitated towards her. i used to ponder to myself wondering if it was by chance. how i wished i didn't pay attention to these smallest details. now i am thinking to myself in my bed how those glances were intentional.

it didn't ache my heart as much when i found out you had the slightest feeling for her. my heart is heavy at the fact i would never be yours.

a heart as pure as gold, i knew she was the one destined to be by your side. and though she was the prettiest and smartest, i inquire to myself why i haven't noticed before how she captivated you.

trying to pin the blame on someone else, there was nobody to blame but myself. no matter how hard i tried, i could not seem to distaste her in any way. there was no reason for me to. and that idea alone had guilt eating me up.

these days, i feel a sense of dread coming to classes in the mornings now. a bittersweet feeling i can't stop experiencing. the idea of facing this cruel reality has my feet turning cold.

i stare from a distance, your eyes showed galaxies when sending her a smile. how her giggles make your heart soar when you tell her a joke.

i could only dream to be in her position. i wish your eyes would look at me the way you looked at her.

"i like you," though i won't get a chance to utter these words off my tongue, i only wish my longing for you can be satiated from watching you with her from afar.

you in this lifetime would never be my fate. i could only hope in another we are meant to be.

———

inspired by lee hi's my love n the airplane's performance where amaru talked about his crush back in japan. THAT WAS SUCH A SOB STORY TT. like i don't know the way he talked about her 🥺

the story is set like before he moved to sk/au where he isn't moving because i wanted the ending to be more dramatic kekeke sorry

i know the concept is kinda overused and boring esp for a first chapter. but i couldn't stop thinking about it. also does the reader sound weird?? i didn't mean for her to sound like she's obsessed kdjdhd