I Am Seer - Book 3

Chapter 2 - Actions & Consequences

"I'm not even going to let it start." The promise in his voice overwhelmed me.

"But yesterday, Azrul—" I began.

"Azrul said if you follow through with what they want you to do, you'll enter Seerworld and die, but if you stop now, you can do whatever you want, and that's exactly what I plan to help you do." He seemed so in control of his thoughts and emotions compared to me, and I felt a twinge of jealousy at his calmness.

"But all the tribes and Erik, and I—they—" My voice cut off as my emotions threatened to master me.

"They'll figure their problems out on their own." Kotaro reached out and laced his fingers through mine. "I'll take you wherever you want to go, okay? We're going to leave here as soon as you're ready."

I sniffed, and my gaze shifted away from his slightly. A few days ago, his actions and the words to back them might have awoken the swarm of butterflies in my stomach, but now, I didn't know how to feel. The thought of running away had never seemed like an option to me, and somehow, as the possibility entered my head, it felt wholly wrong.

"I can't take you away from your friends or make you sacrifice your life just to help me again." I said. My thoughts were swimming wildly through my head, and I didn't know quite how to voice them yet, so the statement was the only thing I felt capable of saying.

Silence fell between us for a moment, and then: "Martimus would be beating me upside the head and screaming about how he told me so if I hadn't strictly forbidden any of them from bothering you." I watched him run his tongue across the inside of his cheek from the corner of my eyes, and he half turned away from me. "In light of all that happened yesterday, I didn't think talking through all this would be a good idea for today." He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and cleared his throat.

My brows drew together, and surprise and confusion warred within me, overcoming my numbness. Kotaro had been poised and collected almost since the moment I'd first seen him posted behind King Erik's throne like a favorite hound on display, and yet, here he was: looking for all the world like he was terror-stricken. I'd watched him get bludgeoned cruelly and unfairly more than once, and he'd faced hatred and prejudice without batting an eye, but the realization suddenly fell into place that the only times I'd actually seen him afraid or nervous was when I was involved.

"I've thought about this countless times, but now that I'm face-to-face with reality, I don't quite know what to say..." He drew a deep breath and chewed on his lower lip. "Other than: you're the most important person in my life—and not because of the promise I made to your uncle." He said quickly. "I've been so scared to talk over this with you for so many reasons, but perhaps one of the biggest is the fact that every person I've ever care for—everyone I've told how much they mean to me—have all been...taken from me, and I don't think I can do that again. Not with you. I would rather struggle with my own unspoken feelings than let fate take you away, too."

He lifted his gaze and looked right into my eyes. In his dark pupils, I could read such pure feeling and vulnerability that it scared me. For the first time, his mask was completely gone—set aside for me. My exhausted brain struggled to keep up with what was happening, and I instinctually stumbled a half step closer to him.

"What exactly are you saying?" My voice came out as a hoarse whisper. The idea that he might feel even a fraction of what I felt deep down inside—it was almost more than I could comprehend.

Hesitantly, he faced me completely. "I—" He opened and closed his mouth several times as if he were fighting with some hidden part of himself to be able to utter what he was feeling. "I'm so lost—so far gone I can't come back. I—I'm in love with you." A part of my soul split in shock.