I Am Seer - Book 3

Chapter 2 - Actions & Consequences

You can't love him.

If you let yourself love him, how will you ever be able to do what you're supposed to do?

How will you die?

But I didn't want to die! My fingers closed around the material of his shirt of their own accord, and I clutched at him as if he could somehow change the truth by standing with me. If I closed my eyes, maybe all of this would become a dream. Maybe we could be together—just the two of us—without the cruelty of the world we'd been born into coming between us.

As if he understood something in my silence, Kotaro's arm slid a little further around my waist, supporting me as he all but carried me down the hall. I allowed myself to lean on him without knowing where he was taking me until he pushed a door open, and fresh, morning air washed over my senses. A breeze danced around my face, and I drew a deep breath as a hint of the cold, aloneness of the dark night ebbed into the recesses of my mind.

A glint of midsummer, early morning sunlight sparkled in my vision as the sun peaked just above the horizon, and I almost lost the battle to hold back my tears. The Ninth and the Third—they'd cared for me and valued me, because my death would mean life for them. Every year, their numbers grew fewer and fewer as their cultures died, and every year, King Erik and his corrupt nobles grew richer and stronger off the suffering of innocents.

Honestly, the disrespect I had suffered from the other tribes made a little more sense now. They didn't believe I was capable of dying for them, and they didn't want to get their hopes up for something which would likely never happen. Well, at least they'd been forthright. All the kindness shown to me thus far had been backed by ulterior motives and selfish desires, and that knowledge put a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Here." I hadn't been aware Kotaro had left until he appeared at my side again, and pressed a cup into my hands.

Wordlessly, I took a sip without stopping to inspect what he'd given me, and as the tingling liquid washed over my tongue, I realized it was not what but some sort of cider. The drink restored a little clarity to my mind, and as Kotaro stared silently at me, I took in my surroundings to avoid returning his gaze.

Timid sunrays poured over a carefully cultivated garden, dancing on the surface of a bubbling pool as if they hadn't a care in the world. Above me, the breeze carried gold-tipped clouds across the expanse of the sky, a signal for the birds to rise from their nests. As the darkness and stuffy silence slid further from my consciousness, wonder and something close to a sense of peace welled in the pit of my stomach, spurred by the unfamiliar yet hauntingly beautiful sound of birdsong.

"If you want me to leave, I can." Kotaro said softly. "I don't want you to feel alone, but if you still need space, I understand."

I didn't answer at first. Truthfully, I didn't know how. I drew a sense of comfort in his presence—as if everything could still somehow be okay—but it was also a reminder of what could never be. After what we'd learned last night, I didn't know how to talk to him anymore. If I looked at him now, I might actually cry and let all my disappointments pour out with my tears, but telling him what I was feeling wouldn't help or change anything, so it was better for me to just be silent.

"I'm so sorry. I should never have brought you here in the first place, Gnat." His voice was quiet and firm, and at the familiar nickname, I could resist my impulses no longer. Looking up at him, my eyes filled with tears, and I bit down on my tongue to keep myself from sobbing outright. "I'm not going to let it happen." The firmness in his tone almost convinced me he could succeed on that front. Almost.

"You're assuminh you can do something to stop it." The words poured from my lips before I could stop myself as I tried to keep my voice steady and failed miserably.