Wonderful Whimsical Wolfstar Oneshots

Plan S.O.B

Remus

Hello! I'm Remus Lupin, Griffyndor's resident closeted gay werewolf. The loos are that way, the dormitories are up there, this is the common room... You get my drift. Life sucks. I've been in love for a while now, with the one person who wouldn't love me if I was the last person on earth (not really, as I'm not a person), and I am fairly miserable. Brooding is no fun when you aren't loved or well-known enough by anyone for them to come and cheer me up. The one person who could would be Sirius. Also known as Black, Padfoot, sex-god of Hogwarts, gorgeous 17-year-old male, etc. but he won't come. He would never come.

Sometimes I fantasise about what would happen if he did. These ridiculously unrealistic cliché fantasies consist of him sitting next to me, talking for a bit, then him snogging the bloody hell out of me. Sometimes I just want to sob on the floor...

"Rem?" that was James.

"Whaaaat," I am depressed, Prongs. Leave me alone.

"Can I talk to you for a bit?"

I gestured vaguely to the spot beside me, still lying on my back. He sat.

"Remus, are you gay?" he blurted out. I froze. Bloody Merlin's Great-Aunt Sally he's figured it out. No point in lying if he has. I nodded yes. A wild grin unfurled on the stag's face.

"Do you have a crush on Sirius?" he asked bluntly. I shook my head no. After all, it hadn't been a crush since third year, when I figured out my feelings. I was in love with the bloody wanker. James' face fell slightly.

"Who do you like, then?" he looked like a kid at a birthday party. I rolled my eyes.

"Sirius."

"But you just said-"

"I don't have a crush on Sirius. I'm in love with the idiotic tosser." Glad to oblige, James, glad to oblige. The grin was back in place, more smug than before.

"Perfect." The boy ran off without another word. Shite.

Sirius

I was day drinking on top of the astronomy tower, a forced habit of mine. Danger helps clear my head. Because Remus 'I am a gorgeous amber-eyed 100% straight werewolf that mocks you with my good looks' Lupin will never ever take into consideration that I love him. I was miserable. I was also on the drunker side of tipsy, so I had told James for reasons beyond me. He, of course, said that it would be fine, that he would fix it, all with that stupid smirk on his sodding face. Alright, my arse. Hey, speak of the devil...

"Padfoot Padfoot Padfoooot!" he sang in a slightly loopy, out of breath voice. Much to excited for my alcohol fogged brain.

"Whaaaat," I am depressed, Prongs. Leave me alone.

"Funny, that's exactly what your darling wonderful Remus said not ten minutes ago," he drawled. The mention of that name cleared up my brain very quickly.

"Remus? Where?" James grinned like a lunatic again. He danced around the top of the tower, almost falling off, regained his balance, and pointed at me in a deranged manner.

"Hah! Hah! Point prooooven!" he danced meticulously around the tower, and pulled me to my feet, whispering dramatically in my ear. "Remus is in love with you, so go in there and end the great depression," My jaw dropped. Oh Sweet Merlin thank you.

"Go snort fairy dust. Plan S.O.B is in action!" I yelled. Plan Sirius Orion Black was a plan to get your love interest to love you back. It had failed horribly for James with Lily (it was the middle of lunch and he got at least five detentions for all the people he hexed, and ended in Lily slapping him in the face), but had mainly worked for me (obviously, as i am the sexiest person alive). You basically gather up a bunch of Griffyndor courage, run through the halls trying to find the person, hex anyone who gets in your way, and once the person is found, you jump up and snog said person senseless. Luckily, the halls were clear so I got through to Griffyndor tower easily. I flung the door open, and spotted Remus, who's eyes were glowing with panic. I leaped, and BAM, my lips were devouring his. I bit his lower lip, and he shuddered, pulling me closer. I grinned into the kiss.

Remus

Sirius is a bloody amazing kisser.