My Mistake ⌲ River Phoenix

10; from my porch

During the next week that I stayed in Gainesville, Rick had given me a few hours to pick up for some extra pocket money. Although I wasn't here for much longer, it was nice to come back to my roots, if you will.

Today is Christmas eve, and the cafe was crowded as hell. I didn't really understand why. On my break, I walked over to the bar and looked up at Asher.

"Why is it so packed today?" I asked him, genuinely curious - wouldn't one expect to spend time with their family on a holiday like this?

"You don't know?" He asked me and I shook my head. He turned his back to me and sighed.

"Aleka's Attic is playing tonight, everyone from everywhere is trying to see them play." Once he said that I averted my eyes. At that moment, Rio walked in with the rest of his band. It was nice to see Rain and Josh again - still doing what they love to do.

Once they had set up on stage, they began playing, and I leaned back on my bar chair. I felt awkward and out of place.

I wanted to feel nothing when I saw him. But, in the middle of his show, when he looked me in the eyes, I felt everything at once. I glanced up at the clock and ran outside, dropping my head in my hands.

"Mon chèri," Olivier's voice rang right next to me. I turned to see him wrap his arm around me. He watched as a single, delicate tear trickled down my cheek.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, kneading my eyebrows together.

"I was just about to come inside! Asher is so beautiful - if Carmen doesn't want him, I will take him!" He shouted with glee. I emitted a faint chuckle to his remark.

"Every time I look at him I feel the way I did at the start. He's holding me up - I can never depart. All the emotions I never thought I had, I feel them pumping straight out of my heart. I wouldn't know how to live life if it wasn't for him..." I began to explain, not fully understanding how I was able to say those words. "I just want to be loved with an honest tongue, devoted heart, and exclusive eyes," I said, my voice barely a whisper. He narrowed his green eyes at mine.

"Come with me, Carmen and I found this place - we danced all night!" He had a huge, demented smile plastered to his face. I couldn't resist.

I reluctantly agreed and we were soon on our way. Rick wouldn't care if I dipped for a few hours, right?

Before I knew it, we were in a Gay bar - called: BLUE MOON. Men in speedos were dancing on stripper poles throughout the whole venue. I had my suspicions, but I guess now I can be fully confident in Olivier's sexuality. He grabbed my unsuspecting hand and led me throughout the bar. That's when I looked up and saw a familiar face getting down and dirty. Carmen.

When she saw me, her smile grew wide and she became giddy. Jumping around with excitement, she pulled me up on stage and started dancing. "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran started playing and I felt the music surge into me in waves.

"Carmen! Weren't you supposed to be looking for a job today?" I asked her through the rowdy commotion. She just laughed.

"Are you kidding me? I think I've already found it!" I shook my head playfully. If she was happy here I couldn't just waltz in and ruin it all for her. She deserved this kind of sweet liberation. "Now, you better start dancing your troubles away!"

After a few minutes of jumping around, I felt dizzy so I decided to head back to work before Rick notices I'm gone. I waved goodbye to Carmen and Olivier then made my way back.

~

When the night was over I walked back home, missing France more than ever. I knew I shouldn't have come back for a stupid boy. Especially a cute stupid boy. Now, that's how I really know I hit rock bottom.

I walked up the stairs of my apartment and sat at my emerald-painted window. It soon started to pour and I watched as every drop hit the foggy window. I hated feeling like this... I hated feeling at all. I soon felt my eyes close, and I soon drifted into sleep.

I suddenly woke up to the sound of murmurs outside my window. It had a view overlooking the porch. It sounded like someone talking to himself. I slowly opened the window pain to be greeted with the smell of rain. Oh, it's something about how the streets look when it's just rained. Eerily magnificent.

That's when I caught a glimpse of him. He wore a big rust-colored coat that looked almost too big for him. The rain made his long sandy hair droop over his face - yet he still combed it back every time.

The insignia of unrequitedness.

I watched him walk from my porch. He left a Christmas present at my door step. I wanted to run out there and ask why he didn't wait for me - why he didn't care anymore, but I knew it was no use. Instead, I yelled out.

"Hey, Rio!" He looked up at me with those curious eyes. "I know you moved on... But, I miss your dumbass." He smiled.

"Friends?" He yelled out, through the dark moonlit night.

"Merry Christmas, friend," I replied - happy to still have him in my life - one way or another.

"Merry Christmas, Amoreena," he yelled back, soon on his way back to his ranch a few streets down. I sat at the window sill, watching as his silhouette disappeared into the night. Then, I ran downstairs to pick up the tiny box he had left. I ran back upstairs.

"Who are you yelling at in the middle of the night, Reena?" Carmen asked groggily, pushing herself off the couch in the living room that she has found herself sleeping on. I think it's because she falls asleep to Full House every night.

"It's from Rio. He left me a present," I said quickly, setting it down on our wooden kitchen table.

"Oooh, open, open!" She suddenly sounded wide awake. I nodded slowly then brought it over to her, sitting down on the empty part of the couch.

I began to peel open the red Christmas wrapping. It was a rectangular figure - a book. As I continued to rip it open, I realized it was The Catcher in the Rye, but it looked a little lopsided. Inside was a a dried-rose smushed in between the a few pages in chapter 17. Muddled in dust and the painful bliss of memories of once what could've been. In the next page was the picture that he took of us at his ranch.

But, before I could let my mind wander, impatient Carmen snatched it out of my hands.

"Damn, you guys are cute together. He remembered your favorite novel! Too bad it lasted about as long as my marriage," she joked and I scoffed. I decided to ignore her uncalled for remark and took the book back, stuffing it into my backpack that was all packed up for tomorrow's flight back to France.