we were in love

chapter two

We stood 5 feet away from one another, letting the cool morning air keep us apart. Johnny's hair was fluffed up, random dark strands pointed in all different directions. His stubble seemed darker in the morning light.

He looked like he just got up, never bothering to change out of pajama pants and his wrinkled white shirt. At most he threw on his flannel and sneakers and called it a day.

I giggled at the sight. Johnny Cade is definitely not a morning person. I can't say I am either, but no one's as bad as Johnny is.

"Come on Johnny boy, let's get a move on," I said, gesturing for him to come closer.

Johnny dragged himself forward until he towered over me. He wrapped his arms around my body, pulling me into his chest. I rubbed his back soothingly, feeling the burns scars underneath the fabric he wore. As much as I wanted to just stand there, holding him, I knew we couldn't.

"Let's go," I pestered, pulling away. I grabbed Johnny's hand and pulled him down the sidewalk.

We walked slowly and calmly, not making a single sound as we made our way to the school.

"I wonder if we should've invited Pony to tag along," I said, feeling guilty that we hadn't thought of it.

Johnny shrugged. He was exhausted and didn't care to consider it when he passed the Curtis's household this morning. Even when he didn't speak, I could still understand him. It was almost as if he was transparent.

"Speaking of the devil," I muttered as Ponyboy greeted us at the school's entrance.

"You two look like hell," Ponyboy remarked as Johnny and I approached him.

"Fuck off," I grimaced, trying to hold back my grin. He's really taken after Darry's behavior lately. He's starting to look more and more like him too.

As we started to talk, a group of people walked by. They weren't your usual grumpy students who didn't want to be there. They were Bob's group. Cherry, Marcia, Randy, and of course their friends and partners.

The main three gave us nervous looks as their friends scoffed and glared. Johnny seemed to shrink, feeling belittled by a few glares and whispers. The confidence he gained over the summer began to sizzle out right before my eyes.

You aren't really considered the most liked in a school when you've killed someone who was very well known. Even if it was for self defense.

Ponyboy seemed to fight himself from saying something. Unlike us, he still has this year and the next left. He can't mess up now. Darry has specifically gotten at him for being a little too reckless in school, so Ponyboy has been trying to keep himself calm.

"It's alright, Johnny," I soothed, squeezing his calloused hand to reassure him.

"I can't wait for this year to be over already," He groaned as he started to walk away. Our hands dropped from one another.

Ponyboy gave me a sad smile and I returned it. School has been very hard for Johnny.

"I'll see you around Pony," I said before running off to find Johnny.
-
It took me a little while but I finally found him underneath one of the staircases.

"I finally found you!" I called out to Johnny. He was a curled up ball of loose fabric and unbrushed, long hair, stuffed in the corner.

It was long past second period and I was only now discovering where Johnny had hid himself. He seemed to be dead asleep despite being in a rather uncomfortable looking position.

"Johnny?" I whispered, pulling tuffs of black hair out of his face. All I could see was the scars cutting through his eyebrows. 

I flicked his forehead. No response. Nothing can wake up this boy.

I let out a sigh, giving up and just sitting next to him. I leaned my head against his shoulder. The fabric of his flannel felt cold against my cheek.

Even when he seemed so peaceful, I couldn't help but see him in the state he was that night. Ponyboy was being halfway drowned. I was held back, forced to watch it all go down.

At the time I thought Johnny was knocked out cold on the ground. I didn't know he was reaching into his back pocket for his switchblade.

I remember the look in his eyes when he stabbed Bob. It terrified me. I was brought to my knees out of pure shock, not noticing the guy who held me back was running away.

You think you know every side of a person, through and through, until you see them kill someone with nothing but a dull switchblade.

I examined Johnny in his deep sleep state. No, he didn't look deadly now. He looked vulnerable. But I still feel an alarm go off in my head. I don't want to feel this way.

I've been trying to fight it off, but I can't help it. My natural instinct was to get as far away from his as possible, but in my heart I wanted nothing more than to just love him.

He won't ever harm me. He hasn't ever harmed me. I repeat those phrases in my head till I can once again look at Johnny without feeling afraid.

The healing process takes longer than what I thought. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be for Johnny to heal after that. I wonder if he struggles to look at himself without being alarmed the same way I struggle to.