Ride

11: POV Jackson (Wonderwall)

"Jackson, of course!" I placed my Jersey in her hands before reaching up and running my hands through her hair. Gently, I pulled her face closer to mine and kissed her with all the passion I could give at that moment. There were "Aw's" and cooing noises from the crowd, I smiled into the kiss and so did Allie. The only reason I pulled away was because of coach's whistle. Allie was out of breath and I was too. I gave her one last wink before running back to my team. Before putting on my helmet I looked to where Allie was sitting and saw her tugging my jersey on, I smiled to myself and got my head back in the game.    

I felt so angry with myself, I had gotten the heart of the girl of my dreams and the importance of popularity got the best of me, the peer pressure and the need to conform to be like all the other football jocks. I didn't get it, Brad hung out with Allie all the time and no one ever said anything about him, but when I do they would all criticize me and ask me why I wasn't with some airhead cheerleader instead. For fuck's sake she was my girlfriend and only now did I understand my mistake. After that incident in the diner bathroom I wanted to kill myself, I honestly felt as if my heart was being ripped into pieces. The Stacy girl was a mistake, yeah I admit I flirted with her during summer school. But it was meant to be harmless flirting, I never go too far when I'm intoxicated but that summer, that summer had changed everything. I had gone too far. I had hurt the girl of my dreams.

The thing about Allie I loved most was she always saw the good in people, no matter what they did to her. No matter how mean and harsh they are to her. She forgave me for cheating on her with Stacy, I know most girls wouldn't do that. But the problem was Stacy wouldn't leave, and Allie wasn't a party girl. So when I went out one night I had gotten so drunk, and no one was there to stop me from doing anything stupid and I had slept with Stacy again. Then that's where the problem came.

I couldn't lie and say it wasn't my fault, because even if I didn't want to admit it I had to. I was supposed to control my drinking, I was supposed to stay sober. I was supposed to go home to Allie that night, her parents weren't in town and I could have cuddled her until dawn. But the side of me that needed to please people, the side of me that needed to reassure everyone that I was just like them got the best of me. The boys didn't stop me because they had preffered Stacy over Allie anyways but it wasn't like that for me. I saw Stacy as some girl I could just ditch in the morning, but I saw something else in Allie. I saw a family, a home and a marriage. I was going to graduate and Allie and I had made plans, living in a small town with not much to do, one can't help but dream. I dreamed a future with Allie, we were both going to go to BYU, we were going to start a family, we were going to make our high school relationship work.

"Jackson, there is a fine line. There is a fine line between dislike and hate. And right now I hate you-" She didn't finish her sentence as she broke down crying. 

"Allie, I didn't know it was going to happen-" I pleaded. 

"I warned you, I told you, I've said it countless of time. That girl is obsessed with you and she would do anything to be with you. I told you to stay sober and watch the amount of alcohol you're taking!" 

"Please Allie, forgive me-" Her sobbing had slowed down, her mascara was running down her cheeks and I just wanted to wipe it away. 

"I forgave you Jack, but not this time. It's too much, we were going to have a future together, we made plans, we were going to go away, we were going to start a family. I know we're young and it may be foolish to talk about this. But we did, and you want to get out of this town as much as I do. But it's over now, what's done is done. And this, especially this. You can't change this."

"I can change it! I'll make her go away I promise, we won't see her ever again" I pleaded. Allie couldn't throw me out of her life. She was making things worse for herself and I loved her too much to let her go.