How The Hell Did We End Up Like This {Kellin Quinn}

Chapter 22

Rayleigh

It's been days. I lost track of how many. Two days? Four days? A week? I didn't know anymore. I was weak, avoiding everyone in order to wallow in my own self hatred and self pity as my thoughts started to get the best of me and I was thinking the absolute unthinkable. I wasn't good enough for Kellin. I wasn't good enough for anyone. I was just some geek who wore glasses. I was no Samantha Derain. No. I was the purest of pure Rayleigh Matthews and I didn't think that I liked it anymore. I found myself wanting to changed everything about me, just so I could prove to Kellin that I wasn't Sam and that I could be better than Sam. At the same time I didn't because I didn't want him to think I was trying to hard or being self centered or self conscious. To be quite honest I didn't think he cared anymore, although he's spammed me with voicemails and texts he hasn't shown up at my door demanding to see me. It made me think the worst. Maybe he thinks I'm ending things. The thought made me sick to my stomach and I was soon feeling the effects of my thoughts through my tears, but it was the only thing that made sense.

I don't know why, I really don't. I don't like the fact that I should change myself for someone, they should love me for who I am, nerd or not. Then why was my thoughts constantly revolved around the fact around changing myself for Kellin? I don't even remember what brought on this whole feeling. Is that bad? I should really look at those texts and listen to those voicemails. But I don't want to hurt anymore than I already do. I ignored my feeling and picked up my phone and opened my messages clicking on Kellin's name.

From: KellBell <3

Ray it's been 4 days. I'm worried please text me back! Tell me what's wrong.

From: KellBell <3

Still counting the days. 6 days and I'm still worried af about you.

From: KellBell <3

Does this mean we're over? I really hope not. I love you too much to even think about a break-up

From: KellBell <3

10 days. 10 fucking days. Ray. Please.

Reading those messages brought the tears to my eyes as I closed out my messages and clicked on the voicemail, I'm pretty damn sure that this is gong to be a lot worse. I sighed deeply as the voicemail started to play.

"I don't know what to do anymore. It's been four days and I miss you like fucking crazy. Please tell me what I did wrong. I love you Rayleigh."

"Rayleigh I refuse to accept the fact we're over. I'm willing to do anything at this point. Is it because of what happened after prom. I don't have anymore guesses. I love you though."

"I'm counting the days and I'm slowly gathering enough information to concur that this is because of the text from Sam. I don't want her Ray I want you. And you only. I love you."

I put my phone down locking it and burying my face into my pillow screaming out in frustration. I lifted my head up after and laid there staring at my ceiling until there was a soft knock on the door and my mom peeked in around the opening of the door.

"Visitors are strictly prohibited I can press charges for trespassing." I said monotonously. She sighed and retracted her head. I heard whispered from behind the door before the door slammed open and I averted my attention to see Sarah standing there holding the door against my wall and her arms opened and her jaw slightly clenched as she darted at me and jumped on my bed straddling me and shaking my shoulders.

"GET UP! GET UP GET UP GET UP!" She yelled.

"I'm-m-m-m u-u-u-p!" I said through each shake that she was still assaulting me with.