The Write Match // Bill Hader

Twenty-Five

"Where are you? Are you okay?" I ask and I don't hear anything for a second.

"I'm fine. I was just calling to let you know that I'm going out. I wanted to let you know not to wait up. I'll stay in my apartment tonight so I don't bother you. I'm so sorry, Meredith." He tells me and he sounds sincere and I know it's not my place to get upset. He has every right to feel the way he does towards me and not want to be around me. "Meredith? Everything alright?" He asks, bringing my attention back to him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll see you sometime tomorrow. Have fun." I hang up and sit down on my couch. I hear my phone ringing again, I ignore it, but it starts ringing again, and I see John's name on the screen and I answer.

"Kristen called me and told me that you left the show early tonight and I just wanted to check on you." He says and I sigh.

"I went to see my therapist after I left work today and I didn't feel well after, so I just came home." I tell him, trying not to sound like I've been crying. "I know you left early too, but are you going out tonight?" I ask him.

I hear a knock and he sighs. I open the door and I see him standing on the other side. "No." He says into the phone and hangs up. I invite him in and I have nothing to say. "Let's talk, Meredith. Something is obviously bothering you." John says, walking me over to the couch. "What happened?"

"I shouldn't feel the way that I do right now. This is my fault, well a majority of it is. But, I'm upset. I wish I could go back to October, knowing what I know now and either end it or go with it. I just miss when things were fun, because this isn't fun anymore. It's different, I'm different, he's different and I'm sad." I tell him and he frowns. "I'm also worried because I don't know who he's with right now. I know that he's not with Seth, Fred, and Kristen because you would be with them." I say.

"He didn't say anything to me, so I don't know who he's with. Maybe his parents came in and surprised him?" He asks me and I shake my head.

"His parents only come a couple times a year, if that, and he would have told me if his parents were here. He's probably not going anywhere, he probably doesn't want to be around me." I tell him.

"I wonder how he feels. He could just be giving you space, maybe." He suggests and I shrug.

"I hate how this feels, and I'm starting to think that I should just tell him how I feel and just trying and figuring things out as we go. Maybe that's what needs to happen? But confessing my feelings also gives him room to leave me, if I tell him that I want to be with him, he can't go with me to LA." I tell him.

"I think you should tell him how you feel." John says and I can already feel the anxiety as I pick my phone up to call him. I fumble with the phone, and I know it's going to hurt more when rejects me or the idea of us, or when he finds out that I'm moving across the country in a couple months. "You've got this, Meredith. I know it's scary, but it's something you have to do." He tells me and I know I've got his support as I open my phone and see a text, along with a picture from Janelle and the picture I see sends chills down my spine.

Bill, out, tonight with a brunette. Erica. They're sitting across from each other at a table, he's got his hand on top of hers, looking directly at her, smiling. They're on a date, and the pieces finally start falling into place. That's why he didn't tell me who he was going out with tonight because he thought I would be mad, but I'm not mad, I'm hurt. It's selfish for me to be hurt, I know. But she's the one person I never want to see him with, instead of being with me tonight, he's on a date. With her. "Why aren't you calling him?" John asks and I turn my phone off.

"This was stupid. I'm fine, and I don't need to confess anything because nothing is going on between us." I tell him, feeling a pull in my chest as I lie.

"Meredith, what did you see? What happened?" John asks as he takes my phone and opens it, seeing the picture. "Meredith..." He looks at me and I shake my head.

"I'm sorry John, but I just want to be alone right now." I tell him and he stands, walking towards the door. I close the door behind him and I want to throw everything in my apartment right now, just to take my pain and anger out on something. But I don't, I go to my bed, throwing his shit that he left here into the floor, and I lay down. All I can bring myself to do is cry, thinking of what I could have done to make this situation different.

I woke up the next morning to my phone ringing and it's Bill. I don't know if he knows that I know where he was and who he was with last night or not, but I decline the call. He doesn't deserve to know how I am and I don't want to hear his excuses if he does know that I'm aware, I don't want to know why he had to go out with her because it doesn't matter. He went out with her, he knows I don't like her.

It's Sunday, our day off, but I make myself get up. I curl my hair, put makeup on, and pick out a nice outfit. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going yet, but I am trying to move past this and on with my day. He hasn't tried calling me again, he probably got tired of the rejection.

John and I met at a coffee shop close to the studio, knowing everyone is here at least once on Sundays. "How are you feeling?" John asks as I take a seat across from him.

"I'm fine. Him going to dinner with Erica doesn't bother me." I lie and John rolls his eyes.

"That's a lie, Meredith." He laughs and I sigh.

"I'm not sad about it. Am I upset? Yes, but it's funny because I was actually going to call and tell him how I feel." I say.

"He didn't do it just to spite you. We both know he wouldn't do something like that. He's not that kind of person." John tells me a I shrug.

"I apparently don't know what kind of person he is. What I do know is that I was ready, but I'm glad I didn't say anything." I tell him and the bell on the front door rings, and I see Bill enter the coffee shop. He stops in the doorway when he sees John and I sitting together. He knows that I know, John had to call him. I look away from him, not realizing how I actually felt about the situation until I laid eyes on him. Bill walks over, taking a seat beside John.

"Do you want me to step outside?" John asks,

"No." We both answer at the same time.

"I don't want to hear whatever you have to say to me. You went on a date with her instead of being with me last night. You know how much I dislike her and what I can't figure out is why you want to be around her so badly if you swear there is nothing going on between the two of you. I don't want to hear your explanation." I tell him, getting my things together and leaving.

I walk out onto the sidewalk and I'm not sure where I'm going again. I don't want to go back to my apartment, too much happened there, so I head for Central Park instead. I pull my journal and a pen out of my bag. I've calmed down enough for now, but all of that changes when I look up and see him walking towards me.

"Can we please talk tonight, we can go somewhere-" He starts and I cut him off.

"We can't, because I'm going out tonight. I'm meeting a friend. I might invite John, and Kristen, maybe Seth. Oh, I'll invite Fred. Actually Bill, why don't you come too. It'll be just like old times." I say and he knows what I'm trying to do.

"Meredith, if you would just let me explain-" He says, but I walk away.

"I'll send the details in a little bit. Maybe we can go to the restaurant you were at last night." I say. He's obviously annoyed with how I'm acting right now, but I'm annoyed with him, I'm annoyed with this entire situation right now.

Once I make it back to my apartment, I remember that I told Bill I was meeting a friend tonight and I start to think of one that might be in New York. Zach is the only one I can think of, so I text him.

The text short and simple, and he responds a couple hours later, telling me that he'll be there. I just wonder if Bill will remember his name. Because if he does, what I'm doing right now is no different than what he did last night, and he can't be upset with me. But if he is, who cares?