[DISCONTINUED] Intertwined (G Sans x Female Reader)

Chapter 19: Past Trauma Experiences

No matter how much I tried to please him with chores, good deeds, or good grades, it was never enough. 

After a while, I started thinking violent, negative thoughts, breaking myself down. I started... to become suicidal. I thought about hanging myself, slitting my throat, stabbing myself in the stomach or chest with one of my dads sharp kitchen knives. I attempted a few times, but never went through with it. I just wanted to take all the pain away. I thought no one would care, not even my dad. But then I thought about my mother and sister. What would happened if I killed myself? How would it impact my mom, my sister, the people around me? I felt as if I was caught in between a rock and a hard place. My mind was scrabbled, scattered everywhere. One side was telling me to hurt, kill myself, while the other said to live, have hope and faith, your mother will come for you. Eventually the courts allowed my mother to retake full custody of my sister and I after being in our living conditions for almost a year and a half. Settling back into my mom's place didn't take much time, I became healthy and cared for again. But when I returned to school, I had mental breakdowns and problems. I would lash out my anger on students who would annoy me or rub me the wrong way, on some adults I didn't like, and sometimes S/N when she bugged me at home when I didn't want to be bothered. 

I had raging episodes, constant nightmares, temper tantrums, and a tendency for hitting kids a lot more than I usually did. I had built a barrier around myself. Seeing this, my mom took me to play therapy to talk about my feelings and experiences with a therapist, as well as her and my sister. It helped much more than I had expected, but I still had a few problems left. It carried into my teen years, I still hid certain things from family, but I felt it was for the best. My true issues, negative thoughts, depression, pretending I was fine when I wasn't. Instead of bright cheery colors, I wore darker colors, tomboyish clothes to avoiding being looked at by men or boys. My attitude hot n'cold. I didn't really like wearing anything girly, yet my mom bought me skirts, which I rarely wore with leggings. 

Most of the people I knew questioned my sexuality because of this and claimed the fact  "I was lesbian" cause I didn't talk about boys or have a boyfriend. I'm not, I don't even look at girls that way nor will I ever, and I was focused on my education at the time and didn't want a boyfriend. Otherwise, you could say I knew people, but they were never my friends, they were classmates who would sometimes talk to me in class, never associating themselves with me in public or outside the classroom. I didn't mind having my own company, but it did feel lonely most times. Knowing that your not like the other kids, you don't wear what they wear, do what they do, knowing that you don't fit in even if you try, your always forgotten, left behind. I was so angry at myself, at the world for my hurt and pain, I refused to let others in, afraid of being hurt again. My experiences had hardened my heart, sharpened my mind, but also wrecked, changed my social, emotional, and mental persona.'

"Dove I-- I'm sorry you had to go through those things," G said, his voice apologetic.

"There's no need to be sorry," I sniffled. "People and monsters have most likely have been through worse than I have." 

"That might be true, but your still a human being Y/N, you having feelings, emotions, thoughts," he continued. "There was nothing wrong with the way you felt, but you can't always push people away, especially the ones that care about you."

"I know," I mumbled. "I just-- always felt that no one would care, they would cast me out as the people my age did, so I stayed around my mom and sister. Being the kind people they are, at an early age, I felt the need to protect them both. They were the only people who showed me love and kindness, no matter how I acted, or how lonely I felt. So, when I came into the outside world living by myself, it was hard to find people kind and generous like them. All the people I had met were corrupt, devious and chaotic, so I stayed away from society or social interaction in general. But then--" I looked G in his pinpricks. "I met you, your brother, your friends. You all were kind and generous to me, made me-- happy, especially you, G."

"I'm glad you think that doll," G replies, his pinpricks sympathetic. He cupped my cheek with his hand, his touch gentle. "Just know that I'm here for you. Okay?"

"Mhm, thanks G," I faintly smile. He returned the gesture. I sigh, closing my eyes, humming against his hand, feeling relieved and calm.

- G's POV - 

She leaned in against my hand, giving out a soft hum. I blushed a light yellow. She opened her eyes, such beautiful e/c eyes that were dull but still glimmering. Her cute button nose, smooth s/c skin, h/l h/c hair, my gaze lowered to her lips. I wanted to kiss her, but fought back the urge.

"G? Are you okay?" Y/N asks.

"Uh- yeah I'm fine," I said, snapping out of my thought. 

"Just thinking?" 

"Yeah, about you,~" I tease, lighting up the mood. She blushes a bright pink. "Your cute when you blush doll."  

"S-shut up," she stammers. I chuckle at her reaction. She crawls off my lap, hopping out of bed. I follow after.

"What, you got a bone  to pick with me?"

"Yes, in fact I do bonehead."

"Oh really and what is it?"

"The fact that your a numbskull."

"Hmm, I don't know what your talking about tibia honest. Please explain," I said obviously.

"Well, if I have to be honest with you," she grabbed my shirt, pulling my face down to her level.  "I'd say your a big softie." She whispers, smirking.

I blush, smirking. "Only for you dove,~" I purr. She let go of my shirt, turned around, and walked to the door.

"Very funny, now come on," she retorts, opening the door. "I'm bored." I smile, walking with her down stairs.  

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WARNING: I DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND ANYONE OR ANYTHING PERTAINING TO THE LGBTQIA+ COMMUNITY.