Sincerely, Me

The First Letter

Dear Future Me,

I wonder when you'll be getting this.

Did you get through college?

Are you an English Teacher or a Choir director?

Did you ever go after that crush?

So many questions to ask if we ever met but I guess I'll ask you the most pressing ones.

Will everything slow down? Will the mental and physical pains and confusion ever end? Will I be happy in the future?

This may be a lot, but I did start this on my meal break at Big Lots. Some of those were edited as I have had more time to think but even then it's rough. Everything is so fast-paced it's almost overwhelming just to think about it all. Before I started writing my ideas out for this I had just started a list of what to talk to my doctor about on the 25th. It's crazy when you are thinking of things to talk to your doctor about but when you go to make a list almost none of it comes to you.

It is not fun at this point and I have a feeling that it isn't any better whenever you may answer this.

I know if I have this conversation with anyone else in my life I'd be told to hang on tight and I'll reach my goals in time.

Now that I think about it, that's probably something you'd say.

Then again, you probably won't be able to tell me anything about my future without the chances of ruining anything.

It's just my brain is filled to the brim with questions I would want to ask you if there was even a chance of meeting each other. It's crazy to build them up into one singular question. I can barely think of where I would start after that other than some more primary ones.

When will I get my license?

Will I ever get a handle on my epilepsy, ADHD, or anxiety?

Will I have another seizure?

How long will I work at Big Lots?

The list could keep growing if I had the time to think about it but unfortunately we do not have a lot of time. There never seems to be enough time to do things around here. It's either being too empty-headed to do anything after work or too hyped up to sleep for one reason or another.

It's either thinking of new stories or thinking of my crush and the possibilities of why it wouldn't work.

I know you'd probably already know this but fear of rejection sucks.

That fear of losing a friendship

That fear of heartbreak

That fear of being lost without knowing where to go afterward

I guess that'll be an answer I'll get with time but I believe you'll need this boost when you read this as much as many others, including myself, need now as I'm writing this on National Coming Out Day.

You matter. Mistakes happen but that does not mean that you need to drag yourself down because of them. Mistakes are there for you to learn from them. They are there just as much as the past is. I do not know what will happen in the timeframe between now and when I reply to this but I have a feeling life is going to be pretty rough.

At least I won't have a girlfriend turn into the moon.

Anyways, keep moving. Know that you are loved no matter what happens, no matter what lemons life ends up giving you, just keep on going. You may not have many cheerleaders in your life but know that the ones you have now are enough. Keep going by what mom has said about friends

Quality not Quantity

Also keep going with the motive you, hopefully, have been going with when new people show up in your life.

Those who will matter in your life will come to you. Do not chase after the ones who leave because you may hurt yourself by trying.

Keep your head up, and stay strong.

Sincerely,

Me

10/11/2021