The 8th Wish

CHAPTER 1: The List

               Well, my wish or somehow death list would be like this, written in a hasty manner and in really large fonts, with each having a large space of around two to three note leaves just in case I wanted to write something:

               My Seven Wishes Before I Die:

               1. Go to the carnival and ride a ferries wheel. I have lost my childhood early and it is one of my dreams to ride that special circle. I often watch those things going round in movies and I often wonder what it feels like when you are at the top of the world, screaming out loud and chasing that moment where everything feels endless… the scenery, the stillness of the night, the flashing lights and the stoppage of time. Yes, I know. It was a wish that can be fulfilled in a matter of days or even hours but you see, the fair happens only once a year here and although there are rides like these in theme parks, I don’t want to try them. I am looking for that “extra special” one which would give me thrills and fun. One more thing, I am really afraid of heights so it may be easy as it sounds but trust me, it would take a lot of time. Also, I don’t usually go out. Like I said, I am trapped in my bedroom by the walls I have created myself. So unless there’s a special reason to go outside, I don’t think this would be an easy task.

               2. Go to two places at once. I must admit that this is a very hard thing to do. How can you go to two places at once when you only have one body? I mean, it is quite strange for that to happen. Not unless you cut yourself in half. I don’t even know how I came up with the idea. It must be another product of my imaginative mind, like those stuffs you read on novels.

               3. See a shooting star. A simple yet striking dream of mine. I remember those times where Auntie was telling me that when you see a shooting star, close your eyes, make a wish and your dreams would come true. I can even recall the nights where I would stand in the balcony of our house just waiting for that shiny star to pass by. Yet, every night was a failure. In case you would like to know, I have a huge fascination about the stars, the constellations and how they create a pact together that gives pleasures to people like me. I also did some research on shooting stars, where and when they happen and occur but I guess it’s all just a matter of chance. I once saw one with a cousin, well, it was really that close. She kept on talking and talking as if there’s no tomorrow and I was doing my best to ignore her, I just looked at the tiled flooring. She then shouted “a star!” and began to pray and I just stood there, wondering what just happened. It happened very fast. Like my Auntie, the things that I have been waiting for never came. Still, she often tells me those kinds of stories about hope, dreams, and wishes yet I know for myself that those are not real but at least in some point of my life just right before I die, I do still hope to see one. I am pretty sure it would remind me of her. And what would I wish? I still don’t know. Maybe until I saw one then I will finally figure out what to ask for.

               4. Learn how to play the piano. I have always been a fan of classical music. And the piano is my favorite instrument. However, I have not yet tried playing it because I was in this room all alone for almost all of my life and I don’t have one. There was a music club at school but I don’t feel like joining them. There was too much of it, singing here and there, and they are doing recitals. I don’t like recitals. I don’t like showing myself in front of everybody else. I just like the solemnity of the music. Me and the melody alone. It’s like a dance. You sway with it. Each piece has a story of their own and we, listeners, creates that story. We are the storyteller. It is up to us how the story starts and how it shall end. The same goes with life. By the way, one of my favorite piece is Rain’s Theme from the movie Secrets. It is a piece that is played by two people who is deeply in love with one another. There’s something about it that is so special. It makes you laugh then cry then laugh again. A celebration of emotions.

               5. Find my dad. How to achieve this one?  I have no idea. It’s either he left us or he died. Like I said, I still believe that he is still alive although I have no picture of him or even just an information regarding his name and whereabouts. He is nothing but a shadow… a nightmare that haunts me every time I go to sleep. And as my days come to an end, I want to know him, to see him, and if he is indeed alive, I want to ask him why he left me without a trace. Why make yourself look dead and pretend that you never existed. His voice and presence would surely make me complete. Just the thought of it makes me wonder how he looks like or what kind of person is he. Does he have his own family now? Is he married to another woman? All of those questions that I would like to ask are hanging on a thread. Up to the day of my burial, I know and I hope that I would personally meet him. And if not, my life would then be like a jigsaw puzzle with a burned piece. It will never be complete. You may create another piece but it would never be the same as before.

               6. Witness a miracle. I have lost my faith to God all these years. I no longer pray and I often swear and commit those “sinful crimes”. I have grown in a family and society that is centered on the Catholic way of living. We go to church every Sundays, attend masses, participate on religious occasions like the Holy Week, but again that was before. I don’t know where or how it started. It’s just that I woke up one day and felt that God wasn’t real. But as days passes right through my own eyes, my faith slowly restores. Maybe I am just praying the price for the things I have done. Still, I am longing to see for myself what a miracle looks like, any kind will do. And I am very sure that everyone else would love to witness one.

               Last on my list would be the simplest of all. No further explanations.

               7. Fall in love for the first time.