1.
"How does it feel to be new?"
The question sat like a fat monk on top of me. As I read this thick flesh of ink numerous times inside my hollow skull. Somehow, I got to whispering its merry notes for myself to hear. Now, I am stuck in a traffic of thoughts, looking for what to say to this talking door. I hated the sound of my voice just now, all tonally confused. I shut my eyes in regret for taking this so damn seriously. I know that people who has somewhat of an answer for this kind of stuff are a little happier. Here I am drawing the saddest blanks.
A platoon of cutting wind entered, and something fast approaching lead the charge. I leaned back on my toilet seat. My entire being is frozen, except for my mouth which chewed my dry sandwich slowly like a trash compactor.
Once relieved of what this person came to do, rushing water began to sing. Suddenly, after a beat, this distorted silhouette fired an artillery of lethal profanities at nobody. Inside the stall next to me, living somewhat a better game. My composure is now at a melting point and I am at an eminent collapse. Just then, the raped air is replaced by his long bursting breaths. A few painful minutes later I gave up on eating and listened hard instead for a way out, while trying to seek the purest calm. While the world tells me to forget the idea of solitude, forever. As there exists no version that promises sole residence. Here I am choking on my half-eaten lunch.
Today is such good fun. Good fun.
Welcome to one of my hiding places. I confess, I am scared to be near people. It would take a divine intervention to convince me that a wonderful fix exists for my social anxiety. Hopeful white tunnels that would lead to newer maps and virgin territory. Nicer paths to add to my obituary of lived experience. Ultimately, making me question the unkindness I done did to thyself thus far.
I just turned fourteen a few months ago.
Now, I am super curious, and dying to know why this particular moment is so confident it sold me of its specialness. For years I insist that no one, no matter how great they introduce themselves to be, will pull me out of the waters I muddied to make it seem deep. You hear how some instruments choose not to take part in the orchestra of things, and simply goes away the rest of the song, I dream of being one that remains shiny for centuries, sober and unkissed. Then came this fearless soloist outside my stall who gave me second thoughts. He wasn't one to make nothing of his existence. Should I also passionately blaspheme the air like he did to attain some sort of rebirth?
I believe we're at an intermission, now. I did pray for his evaporation earlier. Somehow, someway, we achieve full silence as one gigantic minute passes.
I gazed with contempt at that scribble, waiting for the sound of urination to cease on the stall next to mine. I swallowed my food, as soon as this nameless stranger reaches its crescendo and left my maddeningly resentful features on a tight smirk, disillusioned into thinking it has discovered what the question entailed all along. But I know myself to be wrong in my analysis of matters that grab a hold of me in its ordinary form. I end up mixing so many spices into one bowl to marinate a meaty answer, ignorant of past experiences in which my culinary exploration results into something inedible.
I pursued another bite of my sandwich, which was three quarters of its way into oblivion. Footsteps from this patient shadow, lingered on the next stall, his breathing became intense unreasonably fast and before I looked down to behold his grotesque shadow leaking perversely into my private sectors, he shouted furious proclamation causing me to bite my lip upon readiness to chew that large finale of a bite. To get my lunch over with and make my easy way out of the fourth-floor washroom, with the sound of a flushing toilet behind me, faintly sounding even as I head out the hallways, and make a run to my next period before the crowd of mindless students irritate exponentially the murderous mood I am already inhibiting profusely.
