Your Mind Is A Stream of Colors (ReaderxJosh Kiszka)

Chapter Four

Both you and Josh made your way back to the cabin to find a smoldering stack of half burnt logs in the fire pit.  Everyone else had gone inside presumably to find a few hours of sleep in their beds.  The lights in the cabin were out, all except for the flame burning bright as ever in the brick cavern set into the wall.  Somewhere in the house you could hear the faint melodies of Stephen Stills playing behind closed doors, but other than that, all was peaceful.

Josh bid you goodnight with a final embrace and walked down the hall to find his own solace in his room and left you standing there in the comfort of the quiet.  After finding a set of pajamas in your bag, a pair of drawstring shorts and an oversized hoodie with the Frankenmuth Eagles logo across the front, you plopped down on the sofa and pulled the fleece blanket from behind you over your legs.  You took a deep breath and inhaled the smokey scent from the fireplace mixed with the homey smell of the wooden walls surrounding you.

Your head and heart were still reeling from your conversation with Josh.  You felt a huge sigh of relief flow through your lungs as you realized he was just thinking out of his ass that day.  It didn't make what happened okay but there was clarity and there were finally answers.  You didn't find yourself in limbo anymore.  It was made aware that the other guys didn't have a say in what had happened and truthfully, you never really blamed them.  Josh's loud personality got in the way like it had before and at the end of it all, that was really all there was to it.  You would be lying to yourself if you didn't say his guilt satisfied you. It definitely did.  Anything he felt that was even half of what you had gone through was justice served in your opinion.

There was one thing you were even more sure of after your somber moments alone with him... This wasn't an ordinary friendship anymore but it was something more. At the same time, it was still not much of anything else at all.  The warmth you felt radiating through your chest told you everything you needed to know and you swore up and down that he felt it too.  It wasn't just coming from the vulnerability you both found yourself expressing to one another.  The raw unbridled emotion was much deeper, ages long and awaiting the moment to bubble up and spill over.

The sound of bare feet on the cedar floor pulled you out of your reverie.  You looked up to see Sam walking towards you with his hair pulled back at the nape of his neck.  He was wearing his usual shorts and an old t-shirt just the same as you always remembered.  Your lanky friend sunk into the cushion beside you and pulled the other half of the blanket over his legs as he crossed them beneath his body.

"What's up, Sammy?"  You questioned, nudging him with your elbow with a small smile.
"Can't sleep," he responded.
You turned to look at him.  "Something on your mind?"
"Not really."  Sam briefly broke the eye contact as he spoke but recovered quickly.  It was just enough to show you the truth.
"Sam, I know you," you let out a quiet giggle. "Tell me about it."

He sank deeper into the couch and let out a deep sigh.  He rubbed his eyes with his hands and pushed the stray hairs back off his forehead.  Despite his stature, he seemed so small and boy-like in that moment with his shirt wrinkled and the collar off center revealing his collarbone.  The shadow of the fire created a tangerine glow against his skin and made his amber eyes worlds darker.

"What's going on with you and Josh?"  He looked you dead in the eyes.
You let out a snort.  "What are you talking about?"
"You know..." Sam trailed off waiting for you to respond. When you didn't say anything, he continued.
"You two have been inseparable since you came here.  It's just weird with all things considered."
"I don't have an answer for you."
"Yes, you do and you know it."
"You've had to know I've always liked him..." Sam cut you off.
"Even after all the shit he put you through?"
"It's complicated... But yes."
"Complicated how?  He was a complete ass to you. Plain and simple."
"We talked it out."
"When you dipped and went down to the river? Did you actually talk or did you talk?"  Sam put emphasis on the last word with a sly grin.
"We just talked, Sam!"  You tossed a throw pillow at his head with a giggle. "He said there was nothing he could do to make up for anything and he felt really bad about it all.  I have to move on from it or there will always be a road block in front of me."
"Are you in a better place now?"
"I think so, yeah."  You shrugged as you looked back at Sam. "The weight is gone and I'm honestly just happy to be around you guys again. It's such a tricky situation and I just feel like I've gotta be open to whatever may come.  I know Josh feels like a dick and I've decided to forgive him and move onward from all this crap.  I've been sitting in it for too long."  Sam scooted across the couch closer to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulder.
"Well, I'm happy you're here."
"Me too, Sam.  Me too."

For what seemed like hours, you and Sam sat there on the sofa in the firelight talking about anything and everything.  He told you about his gifted Fender bass that had become his most prized possession and about the times when they were touring where things got so hectic that he had to eat cold ramen noodles in the hotel bathrooms.  You couldn't help but laugh at that, even if it was quite sad in reality. You pictured his tall body haphazardly leaning over the sink slurping noodles out of a foam cup without a fork, hair tied up in a mess at the top of his head like a little crown trying not to drip broth down his shirt.

Sam told you about all of the fans he's met and all of the inspiring stories he's heard from them about how the band's music helped them through some dark time or became a pivotal turning point in their lives.  He mentioned that Josh was dabbling in film again and their plans to direct their own music videos for their upcoming album during the downtime the pandemic was allowing them.  He got really excited when he told you about his new keyboard set up he got worked out so he could have his B3 and Melatron right next to each other and somehow, by the grace of God, play bass with his feet at the same time.

It was nice to see your best friend living his best life.  It was all you ever wanted for him and to be able to be present and support him in the now made your heart swell.  He was so happy and goofy just like you remembered and he hadn't changed one bit.  Sitting there talking with Sam had never felt more normal.  It was a whole lot of catch up and while you didn't get to say much, it made you happy to just listen.  You could only imagine Danny and Jake felt the same way about their worldly travels and experiences in different parts of the world.  They never thought they would get to where they were but as determined as they were, you weren't surprised at all that their careers in music were taking off.  Their dreams were coming true and that was all you ever wanted for them.