Scared of Beautiful

The Fall

Mirror on the wall, here we are again

Through my rise and fall
You've been my only friend
You told me that they can understand the man I am
So why are we here talkin' to each other again?

I repeat Bruno Mars's lyrics to myself, looking for the answer within myself. I was interrupted by my ringing phone. It was Mr. Smith inviting me back to his studio to finish the piece. I didn't invite Howard this time, because this was something I had to do alone. Once I got ready I kiss sleeping Deshawn on the cheek.

Mr. Smith could tell was feeling much better, but saw the uncovered bruises on my arm. He didn't bring it up during the recording session, but once it was over he asked what happen. I didn't go into too much detail, "I got into a little confrontation, is all." I smiled. On the other hand, I could see he was satisfied with my song now. Mr. Smith said he wants to advertise my music. He wanted me to create a new identity in the world of fame. So once he was finished planning out everything, I was to came back to have a meeting. To do a photo shoot and a music video.

I left with joy in my heart; I was finally on the come up. I rush to the house to tell Howard, but I stop at Deshawn's place again but to only get my clothes. In a more polite matter, I was invited into Deshawn's home. The entire time Deshawn watch me roam around the house packing my things. Unable to with hold his feeling, Deshawn stop me. "Look Trinity, didn't mean to hurt you." I continued to walk around the room. "No, you didn't mean to get caught. But I'm kinda glad you did, because you blinded me from real love. I was so caught up with you, thinking that what we had was love. But what hurts the most, Deshawn, is that you was going to keep letting my fall. Knowing you was just leading me on into your abyss of selfishness. So please spare me your pity party." I grab the last box and left Deshawn and whatever feelings I had for us behind.

It felt refreshed when I told Deshawn that there were no more us. I need to be able to give Howard my all, but it's hard trying forget someone when they left you some many memories. The only thing harder than letting go is moving on, but I had to in order to love again.

This actually was the perfect time to see Dani. I knew that she would just throw a fit went she hears that Imani slept with my Deshawn. I called Dani to meet me at Black Ice, so we could shop while we have our conversation. Around two hours later, Dani's emotions were on a roller coaster ride. A part of her was upset with her boyfriend telling me that Deshawn was cheating. She was sorry that I went through all of this, but happy I found Howard. Finally Dani also wanted to knock the hell out of Imani for treating me like dirt. This was a game she seen one too many times, because I've hurt so many times. It doesn't seem to faze me anymore I just open myself to these situations. The same things goes for Dani too, the same way she seen me get hurt I've seen her down and out before. That's how we were so close.

I drove back to the house and Howard was on the coach waiting for me. I sat on his lap and gave him a kiss and told him that I saw Dani and Mr. Smith today. That he wanted to schedule a business meeting about my song. Howard grabs a hold of my waist and told me how excited he was for me. He drags me down on the coach to kiss my face playfully. Lord knew that there was nothing more I wanted to have sex with Howard, but he knew that my heart was still connected to Deshawn.

Waking up to a new light was refreshing to me. I almost didn't want to get out for bed. All I wanted to do was stare at the angel next to my bedside and examine his figures. I dozed off with the thought of him, but he intruded the fantasy with the harsh reality. In the few minutes we shared together, Howard made me breakfast and drove me to school. I wouldn't be able to see until midnight, because of his work. In the meantime, I couldn't fully pay attention the world around me. Somehow I able to manage through the day, but once again I was interrupt with problems. Without noticing Dani has been calling me constantly today. I called her back and she immediately answered her phone crying out from help. Without hesitation I rush to her place to see the emergency, the news I received was unexpected. Deshawn was on the stretcher gasping for his life. Apparently, he got shot twice in the chest and once in the leg. All I could was lay my head on his arm and cry, because the scene was horrifying. Dani had to drive me up to hospital. the whole ride there was grim. She gave me time to grieve and mourn. We stay at the hospital all day, but eventually Dani had to go home. I received nothing but condolences and phone calls, but I didn't return the favor. At times little this, when we were little, Dani would let me lay her head down on my lap. She would stroke my curly hair. I started to speak out loud about the good old days with Dani.