ꜰɪꜰᴛʏ ᴅᴀʏꜱ ᴛɪᴍᴇ

all things promised

my alarm is going off, it's been for awhile now. it was signaling that i had to go to school but is it even ringing if i pretend i don't hear it?

i give in and turn off the loud music from beneath my pillow.

my body ached and my head pounded as if someone was on the inside knocking. i grabbed my phone and texted eden good mornings.

all of my unanswered good morning and good nights are being shown on the screen as well.
i stared at the screen as if a miracle was gonna happen and id get a "good morning bb" in return.

but it didn't, it didn't happen.

so i threw my phone down and crawled under my covers burying my head under.

i don't know why eden did what she did, and i don't know if i ever really will find out but wasn't i a reason to stay?

i missed her, the way her eyes lit up when she talked to me, and her laugh, i missed her voice and i missed how tight she held me.

i missed our memories.

i missed how she touched my skin, and i miss the way her lips felt on mine.

i just missed her, she could've talked to me and eden knew that i wouldn't hesitate to come running if she needed anything. so why didn't she just talk to me, we could've got through it together.

the pain i feel in my heart right now, hurts so bad i can physically feel it.

my door was knocked on but i didn't bother answering so they just walked in instead.

a couple of seconds later i felt two dips into my bed.

"billie" my mother's voice was muffled as i was still under the covers.

i didn't respond, i didn't have the strength to. i didn't wanna talk and i didn't wanna even move.

"we brought you food," she said as she rubbed my back through the blanket. "taco bell" another voice came through, it was finneas.

eating sounded disgusting right now, everything but hugging eden sounded uninteresting.

"you can't just lay here every day" finneas spoke, "it's been a week."

i almost choked at his sentence, tears brimming in my eyes. has it already been a week? i hadn't left my room and it's felt like years i've been in here.

it's been a week since i hadn't heard her voice, and every day i wake up i text her good morning, and every night i go to sleep i text her goodnight. i keep forgetting that she's not here, that i won't wake up to arms around me.
and he was saying that as if i could just get over it in a week. "get out" i said, my voice was raspy and it cracked as i spoke.

"claudia said she was gonna look through edens room, just wanted to see if you would come" he spoke.

not to be rude but claudia didn't deserve to go through edens room, she was never there for her and it's not her place to be going through her things. i mean if anyone should do it it should be me.

"okay," i said, "i'll go."
-
i sat crisscrossed on edens bed as claudia went through her things, i didn't wanna touch anything, i didn't feel the need to.

maybe i was just exaggerating but it was wrong to go through her things. "i don't think eden would want you going through her stuff" i finally said.

she turned around for a second and then focused back on whatever she was looking at "i don't know what that means but it sounds like an insult."

maybe it was, she didn't care about eden and she didn't love her so why should she have the privilege of looking through things.