Random stuff I like to post

FaQ #18

14. Do you still have friends there?

No..? They'd have looked for me.. nor?

Or family?

Same question.
If I'd have family there..they would've visited me. They'd have.. they'd have helped me..
Or maybe they just don't care.

15. How did you do in school?

I know..educational things. Like.. I know maths and languages and.. and writings. I just..struggle..

16. What was your favorite subject?

I like Gymnastics now..
Some nice guy whose name I forgot comes by and helps me learning to move again.
We do things like.. him guiding my hand.. Me gently pushing something with my legs away..
Its..a little fun.

17. What was your greatest talent?

I guess.. I know how to play the flute.
Ivan gifted me one. I struggle with the movements.. but I remember.
I just.. I just shake so much.
But I remember manys ongs and the grips. Its nice practice.

18. What did you do badly?

I'm bad in.. manners. I always fail to do something. And then I get hurt.
I dont mean to fail. I try my hardest. But its not enough.

19. If you did not do well in school, why not? Were you not interested, or did something interfere with your ability to work hard?

I just..cant..

20. How far did you advance in your education?

I..go along?

21. If you went to college, where did you go? If you didn't go, what were you doing in those years?

I dont knlw.

22. If you went to college, what kind of school was it?

None.

23. How did you pay for it?

/

24. What was your course of study?

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25. Is that what you wanted to do, or did someone influence you to follow that course?

/

26. How do you feel about those years now? Do you look back with pride or regret?

/

CURRENT HOUSEHOLD AND RELATIONSHIPS

27. What is your life like at the moment?

Very confusing.
I have my own little room.. But its locked.
I can't go out on my own. In fact.. I cant go at all. Because I'd break together.
Most of the time I read books.
They're all in Russian..but its the first language I learnt after.. I was saved.
I dont remember the rest well.
I mean..I do but.. it feels safer.
And each day I'm ordered to quote something to Ivan.
'Mr. Russia and I are best friends.
I don't need any friends except for Mr. Russia.Especially not America, who is not my friend.
Mr. Russia and I are friends.
Mr. Russia and I are friends.
Mr. Russia and I are friends.
Mr. Russia and I are friends.'

It went on like this for..ages. I cant remember if it's been like this forever.
I also typically sometimes get carried to Russia and he cuddles with me.. sometimes I feel lile a toy to him. As if I am just supposed to comfort him.
He chooses what I'm reading.
He chooses what I'll be wearing.
He chooses who I'm allowed to talk to.
He chooses what I'll eat.
He chooses when I'll take a walk.
Its a very..monotone life.
Sometimes when.. I am panicky and screaming he hurts me.. a lot.
Sometimes he beats me up.
Sometimes he ties me up and leaves me in an empty white room, without clothee open to the cold.
Sometimes he'd let me starve.
Sometimes I'm not allowed to sleep.
Im scared of making him mad.
And I dont even know why he hates me that much..