Red Lights || Destiel stripper/brothel AU

Chapter Eighteen - Iris

I couldn't stop thinking about him. The way he smiled and laughed, the way he would sit as close to me as possible just because he liked the intamacy. How he would get so embaressed whenever anyone said anything out our relationship together and how he would giggle when anyone every said that we were cute together.

I missed the way his eyes lit up and crinkled at the corners when he smiled. I missed the way his bottom lip would shake when he was sad. I missed his stupid dancing and his victory cheering whenever he beat me on mario karts. I missed the way he would get grumpy whenever he lost.

And all i can taste is this moment. And all i can breathe is your life

When sooner or later it's over. I just don't wanna miss you tonight.

And i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken, i just want you to know how i am.

I should have told him from the moment go but i loved how lucky i was as Angel when i got the hottest boy in the year to fall for me, only to find out that he had fallen for the other me instead. I should have told him but i was too much of a coward. Too much of a slut. That's how i got myself into this mess in the first place.

If only i had just taken all of my savings when Dean had found out about me and moved away forever, none of this would have ever happened. I could have just moved on with my life and never thought about it again but not everything had a way of turning out that way.

And you can't fight the tears that aint coming. Or the moment of truth in your lies.

When everything feels like the movies. Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And i don't want the world to see me. Cause i don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken, i just want you to know who i am.

He knew who i was now, i had betrayed him, i had lied to him, i had mocked him and humiliated him. He would never want to see me again, it didn't matter if i was fatally ill. Why would he care? He would probably be happy to see me die. He would come to my funeral and laugh.

I just want you to know who i am.

It was best that i never see him again.

I just want you to know who i am.

The best thing for everybody.

***

I was starving. My belly was rumbling and i had no one around to get me food. It had been a whole month since i had been told about my illness and i had only been home once because of all the medication that have been putting me on.

I was so weak but i was more hungry so i held onto my drip and stumbled out of bed, wanting to get down to the cafeteria for a sandwhich or something. My stomach rumbled madly and i rubbed it a few times before i started walking.

I walked along with my back to the wall because it was pretty embaressing to have people look at my naked bum while i walked because of the stupid hospital gown i had to wear. But thankfully the hospital was pretty warm so there wasn't much of a draft.

i finally got down to the cafeteria and ordered and sandwhich before sitting down at one of the tables and started eating it. My wrists were so thin no. It was as if they were just bone and i dared not even look in a mirror in case i didn't like was i saw there. I knew i was paler and all my beautifully toned muscles from my body were gone.