Broken But Fighting

Chapter 6 - Purging the Poison

AN: I just wanted to say thanks for all the comments, it really motivates me to write. I freaked out when I saw all the comments and votes. Hope you enjoy this one before the takedown begins.

If anyone were to look, they would see a well-dressed statue leaning against the wall. Eyes closed to the world, with a tiny teardrop falling down his marble and grit complexion.

What did I hear? Who is Selin? Was Eda right? Am I being manipulated? Would I be with Selin if I didn't lose my memories?

Serkan's mind had always raced with thoughts and feeling Eda arose within him. He packed them away in a mental box, too scared to open and sort through its contents. He didn't want to propose to Selin, he just didn't want Eda to confuse him again. But was he wrong to do that? He slapped his forehead, and his hand slipped from the sweat.

Of course it was wrong to propose! Eda was still technically my fiance. I remember the ring I was wearing in the hospital. Eda's name is inscribed on the inside. How could I have been so cruel to propose to another woman right in front of her? Oh God, I can still remember her eyes, her big beautiful brown eyes tearing up.

Serkan squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the memory of Eda's pain as he asked Selin to marry him. Her agonizing cries bounced around his head as he felt that kiss to his core. The kiss scared him more than anything else. He didn't know who that man was, but it was cruel pushing her away like that.

He caught his feelings of confusion and put them away again. There was a meeting to get to soon and a lot of work to do. That's what he will drown himself in.

Serkan ambled down the stairs to make his way back to the office. He saw Leyla trying to get away from Erdem, some things never change.

Serkan was at a loss on what to do. He motioned to Engin to follow him to his office,

"Come to my office. I need to talk to you about a personal topic."

"Sure, brother. I can see that you want to talk." Engin said.

Serkan pulled out his chair as slowly sat down, still weighed down by the conversation he overheard.

"I need to ask you something about Eda. I want your honest opinion." Serkan could see Engin give him his full attention.

"What do you think of Eda?"

"Eda is an angel.. Her light touched all of us. You mostly. I've worked with you for years and I've never seen you so happy, It was like she chased away all your demons. You smiled." Engin whispered. Serkan nodded, deep in thought.

"Eda didn't manipulate her way into the company for revenge?"

"What! Absolutely not. Let me guess: Selin gave you this idea. She is biased. She hates Eda."

"I just don't understand anything, Engin. Nothing makes sense to me. How could I have changed so much in a year? Enough to propose marriage, enough to fall in love. It's not me. It's not who I am." Serkan said.

"Eda didn't change you, Serkan. She brought out the best in you. She taught you how to live, how to truly live. And you brought out the best in her."

"I changed her too?"

"Let me ask you something. Do you want to marry Selin? Right now. Do you want to build a life with her, have a family with her? Or did you just cling on to what was safe and comfortable?"

"Selin is the logical choice for me," Serkan said, voice soft.

"Come on Serkan. Be honest with yourself. You sound like you are reciting words from a script. Alright let me ask you something. You were with Selin for years, before you left for London."

"Yes, I know this. I actually remember that."

"Good. Why didn't you ever propose to her? Or ask her to move in with you?" Engin prodded, chin in hand with an unrelenting gaze on Serkan, gently leading him down a path.

"I..I never wanted to. I liked my routine, my space. I never wanted to share more of myself with her." Serkan trailed off, with the sudden glaring realization.

"Now we are getting somewhere. Do you want to share yourself with her now?" Engin smiled at Serkan, heart going out to how lost he looked in that moment.

"What do I do?" Serkan said, in a lost little boy voice. Engin's hand reached for Serkan and rubbed his hunched shoulders.

"Start with the simplest thing. Figure out what you and what you don't want. Then you move forward from there." Leyla said.

"Does she really love me? Me?" Serkan said, voice filled with awe.

Engin felt her eyes watering, and smiled as he fiddled with his phone and handed it to Serkan.

"You tell me. Press play." Engin commanded. Serkan licked his dry lips, finger hovering over the play symbol, too afraid to see something real.

He pressed play to a video of Eda laughing in white lingerie. Serkan's eyes bugged out at the sheer beauty that would've been his. A lump formed in his throat. It was hard to swallow once he realized it was their wedding day. As the video played, Engin remained quiet.

He heard Melek's voice in the background demanding Eda leave a sexy message to Serkan, while the rest of the women hooted.

"Oh my love, my precious love. I cannot wait to be Eda Bolat. I cannot wait to fall asleep in your arms....Eda shimmied in her wedding dress.....and continued. I cannot wait for you to take this dress off me.....Eda glanced outside the camera view......Was that sexy enough? Hoots and laughter came in through the sound."

The short video ended, and he played it a few more times. His heart constricted in his chest, his throat closed. He couldn't breathe.

Engin watched his brother crumble, upper body bent over his knees, gulping breaths trying to reach his lungs.

"That was the last time Eda smiled. Twenty minutes after that video, the news of your plane crash hit the news. It was bad, Serkan. Ceren had to call Ferit and I to get Eda home. She was in a catatonic state. She didn't talk. I tucked her into bed like a little kid. She then turned to me and called me abi, she then said he's alive right. I held her as she sobbed, the whole night."

Engin wiped his eyes, unashamed, as Serkan saw the evidence of his sorrow. He leaned in, held Serkan's chin, not letting him avoid him.

"It got worse, much worse. She didn't eat the food Leyla sent for her, she wasn't sleeping at all. It got to the point one of us had to watch her just in case." Last words lost their conviction.

Serkan gulped at those last three words.

Just in case what? Would Eda harm herself? Is that what he meant?

"What do I do? I don't....I don't know." Serkan said, hand flailing above his head.

"You still don't know what to do. Still! Fucking hell, brother. Stop hurting the one who loves you more than life itself. What you should've done from the very beginning. Do you enjoy hurting Eda? Is that it? Does it feed your ego? Can you not see the pain in her eyes, everytime you rub Selin in her face?" Engin said, steel running through his voice, Conviction in every word. Each question, a bullet piercing Serkan's mind.

"No, I don't enjoy hurting her. I don't want to hurt Eda. I just don't remember her." Serkan said.

Engin glared at Serkan in silence before giving up. He stood up, every movement deliberate as he pushed the chair under the table.

"There is your problem. You don't want to remember Eda and the love you experienced. Because it scares the living hell out of you." Engin said, holding his hand in Serkan's open mouth.

"Eventually, Serkan. People remove themselves from what's hurting them. Think about her not being across the table from you and tell me you don't understand one more time." Engin said, with a finality that shook Serkan's soul to the core and left.

Serkan was left with his own thoughts, trying to concentrate on getting some work done. Work is what he needed. Until, Eda walked in with Leyla and Pyril.

"Let's start that meeting now. Let's wait for everybody." Pyril said, her usual strident tone softening as she discreetly looked at Eda.