What We Used To

Chapter 2

"Alam mo ang magandang gawin?" Gwen said, as if she's my mom ready to scold me. "After class, puntahan mo si Aiah at mag-usap kayo. Okay? You should know that, palagi niyo namang pinag-uusapan ang mga bagay ha? Bakit hindi niyo magawa 'yan ngayon?"

Tumangu-tango na lang ako sa sinabi ni Gwen. She actually has a point. Ngayon ko lang ata pinairal ang pride ko pagdating sa'min ni Aiah and it's actually not good.

—

The class was dismissed at ang kauna-unahang pumasok sa isip ko ay puntahan si Aiah sa building ng college nila. May one hour pang natitira bago matapos ang class niya pero willing naman akong naghintay. Aiah was never a waste of time.

I stayed at the mini park in front of their college building and played mobile games there while waiting for her. Well, hindi rin naman ako makapag-focus sa laro kasi nakakailang ulit ang tingin ko sa harap ng building nila para tingnan kung palabas na siya.

"Mikha!" I heard someone called me. It's Jhoanna, Aiah's blockmate and friend. Kumakaway ito habang naglalakad papalapit sa'kin. She seemed so shock to see me here.

"Jho, si Aiah?" That was what came out from my mouth as soon as she's already in front of me.

"Hindi kayo nagkita?" Nagtatakang tanong niya. "Maagang na-dismiss ang class namin kanina, nagpaiwan lang ako kasi may kailangang pang gawin eh. Sabi niya pupuntahan ka niya today since hindi kayo gaanong nakakapag-usap."

Napakamot ako sa ulo ko. Nagkasalisi ba kami?

"Kanina pa?" I asked.

Tumango siya, "about an hour ago?"

"Sige, Jho, thank you! Una na 'ko," paalam ko sa kaniya. She nodded and waved at me for goodbye.

Lumakad ako pabalik sa building namin, nagbabakasakaling makita ko pa doon si Aiah. Kung about an hour ago na noong nagpaalam siya kay Jho, dapat nagkita kami hindi ba? Hindi ko alam kung mago-overthink ba ako or what.

"Mikha!" My name's called for the 2nd time already. Lumingon ako sa likuran ko at nakita doon ang taong hinahanap ko. Para akong batang tumakbo papalapit sa kaniya at niyakap siya, hindi na iniisip ang maraming tao sa paligid.

There, I cried like a baby. I don't exactly know why I'm crying but tears just can't stop from falling.

"Hala, what's wrong?" Aiah asked, worried. She caressed the back of my head which eventually reduced my anxiousness. "Why are you crying? Did something happen, love?"

Kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap sa kaniya. Pinunasan ko nang mabilis ang luha ko at hinila siya paalis dahil nakaramdam ako ng hiya. Aiah chuckled when she realized that.

"So, bakit ka nga umiyak? You looked like a lost kid kanina," she joked. Of course I know she's just trying to lighten up the mood but that "lost kid" somehow struck me. Well, I'm really feeling lost and I know she did too but I did not bring that up for it will just worsen things between us.

"I just missed you," sabi ko na lang.

"I missed you too," she said. She leaned her head on my shoulders, the usual thing she always does whenever we are sitting beside each other.

"Sorry, medyo busy kasi noong mga nakaraang araw, I couldn't find time to talk to you. When I did, ikaw naman ang hindi ko ma-contact."

Was it my fault now? I shrugged off that question since ayoko nang magkaroon pa ng mas malalang misunderstanding between us. Maybe it's better to keep it this way.

"It's fine, love. Sorry, medyo nagtampo kasi ako sa'yo so I wasn't answering your calls and text last night." I honestly said.

"Sorry," she said, she looked at me with her eyes pleading. Mahina kong pinisil ang ilong niya and that made her a little annoyed.

"Ang cute mo," I laughed. Sinimangutan niya lang ako, ayaw niyang pinipisil ko ang ilong niya dahil nababahing daw siya pero hindi naman talaga, and her face looks cute whenever I does that.

"Kain tayo?" Pag-aya niya. "Libre ko, pambawi lang. And please, 'wag ka nang magtampo oki? I love you," she said. I forced a smile at tumango na lang ako.

Hindi ko maiwasang magtanong sa isip ko kung totoo pa ba ang I love you's niya. I mean, she's confused right? Is it because nasanay lang siyang sabihin 'yon or does she really mean it? Ever since the day she told me that she's feeling like she's falling out of love, nabuo na sa isip ko ang mga tanong na alam kong wala namang kasiguraduhan ang magiging sagot.

I don't want to doubt her. She's been real to me, for me and with me for the past 5 years, I should always hold on to that. Kaya lang hindi ko talaga maiwasan. Hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng takot na baka kapag na-realize niya na lahat ay hindi ko gusto ang maging sagot sa mga tanong na 'yon.

"Love?" Tawag niya sa'kin dahilan para maalis ang mga tumatakbo sa isip. Her voice is like therapy, just one word and everything falls back into place.

"I love you, Aiah," I said out of nowhere. "Even with all the doubts, the fears, the questions, the uncertainties. Sana palagi mong tandaan. You are my certainty, Aiah."

She smiled at me, a smile that even me can't comprehend. Mababaw, magulo. Kahit hindi siya magsalita, alam ko na agad.

"I love you too, Mikha," sagot niya. "I'll figure this out."

I feel like my world started shaking, that wasn't the words I wanted to hear.