A Silence In The Chaos

Silence 1: Parcel

Napaatras ako nang bigla niyang ilapit ang kanyang mukha sa akin. Umakbay siya sa likod ng upuan. He gazed at my lips and I shivered. Because it's making me uncomfortable.

Did I falsely give him signs that I like him? I was just being friendly, of course I will talk to him and go with him to places. I didn't really make advances like hold hands or hug him, more so kiss.

"A-archie... s-stop."

I clutched my chest. There's this feeling again. I can't breathe, couldn't move. I'm gonna die. Die before I can even begin and before I could even achieve something in my life. I would never live to see tomorrow again. I wished I told my family how much I loved them and thank them for giving me education. Kahit na hindi ko na mapakikinabangan ito.

I breathed in and out.

"Don't panic," I closed my eyes as I feel my heart thump faster. It hurts that it feels like a heart attack.

"Ysabelle?" tawag sa akin ni Archie. "Anong nangyayari sa'yo?"

He sounded more irritated than concerned.

"Stop playing with me! Is this your way of rejecting me?" he tried to hold me but I flinched away.

"Ah!" I sobbed and gripped my hair tight. I held my shirt, thinking that it will somehow give me more air to breathe. Everything felt confined, as if all are closing and narrowing inside.

I ran out of breath as I started crying.

"Are you..."

He tried touching me once more. I screamed, horrified. My body shook as I shoved him away.

He looked confused and said the exact same thing as others did.

"Are you crazy?"

I shook my head. Am I going to lose a friend?

"It hurts here!" itinuro ko ang aking dibdib. "H-hospital," halos magmakaawa akong tulungan niya. Ipinikit ko nang mariin ang mata ko habang patuloy pa ring tumutulo ang luha.

Humawak ako sa upuan bilang suporta. After ten minutes, it stopped. Karaniwa'y ganoon katagal pag inaatake ako. Napaupo ako sa tabi ng upuan dahil sa sobrang panghihina.

Nang mag angat ako ng tingin ay napangiwi si Archie.

"Are you fine now?" malamig niyang tanong. "Done acting? You deserve an oscar. Kung ayaw mo sa akin, sabihin mo lang. Hindi yung gumagawa ka pa ng palabas na ganyan. Hindi nakakatuwa, Ysabelle. Diretsuhin mo ako at wag magpaasa."

Napaawang ang aking bibig.

"P-pero hindi ako nagkukunwari..." tumungo ako at napailing sa sarili. I guess I have to tell him.

I sighed. "M-may.... panic disorder ako..."

His brows creased. And then he cackled.

"Are you joking right now?" he laughed. "Nagpanic ka lang. Hindi sakit yan. Do you even know what panic means? Natataranta lang. "

"Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. Bakit ako magsisinungaling sa mga ganitong bagay?" I argued.

He scoffed. "The only illness that you may have is insanity."

My jaw dropped. Tinatawag ba niya akong baliw?

"A-ano?"

"Baliw ka!" ulit niya. "God! I almost let myself like someone like you."

I fisted my hand.

"Baliw ka!"

"Takas mental!"