Coffee Stories

Just a dream

All happened so fast. Valery found herself sitting again in front of her phone. She waited for a message.
With all insecurities she had, she thought that she lived in a dream.
The woman wasn't sure why she got so much luck these days, and she couldn't believe she found some happiness in her life. All was so delusional because she did everything in the last years on her own.
In every relationship she stepped in, she was lonely with her partner.
The main thing that is said for her love life as she jumped from one relationship to another as fast as thunder.
The one relationship was obsessive, the other - indifferent. The flirts between long relations were one-sided, but men liked to use her for physical contact. The only truth she found in her short or long-term bonds was toxic. They all lacked emotional depth, and she was alone. Valery built walls from so much use and coldness in emotions.
Once again, she sat on her bed, looking at her phone. Should she expect something, or should she let all go by missing the point of trustfulness and the lack of courage because of the lost cause? Well, she wanted to believe in a good ending. But all seemed like a dream she could not have. At her age, with a child from her last long-overdue end of a relationship, things looked impossible to become a truth. But still, there was a hope or probably little worm of loving herself that told her to take a step out of the known routine of breakups.
Or was it naivety and no maturity?
Her kid always asked: "Mom, what if..", and that indeed was a great question.
But with so much, if things looked challenging.
All started too fast again. The head Valery life's word was Fast. She fell for someone fast and so deep that she could not believe it. Was this because of her endless search for eternal and soul mate's love, or was it because of her deep feeling, her inspiration could live grew bigger?

After 30 years of age, people slowly understand they may not live more than 30 years to realize their wishes. The good thing over 30 is that people then are old enough to say what they want and not live in some delusional sweet-coated world in their minds. Well, most of them, because some stay naive and others do not want to grow up.
These 30 years of age are crucial. Many people give up their lives after this age, saying they are too old. Some strange people thought start to live anew after 30. One thing is sure for this age - people begin to celebrate for themselves every other year after. Valery does that too.
But now, at the moment, she thought about the decisions that she needed to make. Based on her experience, she had only two choices. To stay or to move. Both got challenges. If she stood where she is, she could find some comfort, but not a single feeling.
If she moved on, Valery would have had many battles. Regarding this choice, she can not control the wins or losses from these fights. The woman will also experience new emotions and life lessons. Many things were at risk but did she wanted to have them as they are. Not at all for sure, so probably Valery should move on. But was the fight worth it? That is not clarified because things change with every second. But still, a warrior always stays a warrior.

Valery finally received the message she waited. It was a sweet, short message, like a beginning of love. But was it that or not? Time would tell, but still, she, with her doubtful mind, fast falling into crush's trap, could not make a clear decision.
As much as she wanted to move on, she should think as a mother for her kid. Usually, children adapt easier than adults. But maturity says that love should be stable, engagements shared equally. These both things lacked deeply in her last love story that gave the birth of her daughter.
On the other side, the child needs both parents to grow healthy in a mental state. But when there is a situation that which one parent doesn't seem to connect much on emotional and activity levels life of a mother and a child does not look promising.
Last days, her almost ex-boyfriend tried to show some care, but it was late. After so many years with no serious concern from the father of Valery's daughter, now, when the kid started school, he tried to improve.
These improvements, anyway, looked like putting herself back into a toxic relationship that was full of way too much passion and lust but no emotional connection.
In a woman's head, the decision to break up the known circle took a long time ago. She dared not to move out a step further from this situation because of the kid. Valery fell for some men she knew she could not be with them because of her life's situation. Now was a bit different because, for the first time, her love was not one-sided. That brought too many thoughts and uncertainty in steps forward because way too many people were involved, and she should burn their feelings. And behind her back, she got almost nothing. The only thing she gave her motivation was the new feeling she had in her heart toward the man she fell for too fast. But was the fast fell not dangerous? Was it not just an illusion that could break up everything she built till now?
Like a phoenix in her life, she would rise, but what about the child? How does she take responsibility for her decision? How does she manage on her own with all the tasks that awaited her after the breaking up decision coming closer?
So many questions she had. All around her was a whirlwind. Breaking up, finding new places for her and her daughter, and not last her child starting school was way too much for a strong warrior-woman like her.
But staying in one unhappy situation, dragging her daughter in it too, was not a good choice. Even the price is the child to not grow with the two parents in the same place to live.

Choices that include other people's feelings are hard to make. They take too much time to prepare for the one that wants to break up. The other party usually does not expect the breaking up news.
Valery was always the side that was surprised. But when she needs to break up and decide it, the time for doing it, in reality, is way too much.
Most people say and do it, but she always thought for the other involved parties and needed some backup plan to do what she had to do a long time ago.
It was easier for her to go into one-sided relationships. The men broke up with her, then she drank wine, wrote something emotional, and moved on. But the current situation is difficult because of the involved child and the long-term relationship.
Another message that made her happy smile even during the hard time she has to find the courage.
Valery prayed for a long time for a sign to break free from the situation she was in now.
For the last five years, she did not see the signs anywhere. Or probably it was some life circle closed by the daily routines. Usually, her life changes happened every eight-year till now. But how?
She stopped to think about this and enjoyed the beautiful communication she had now. But all was like just a dream.
There is a good quote she used to remember when the time for her was difficult. It was Miquel Alvarez "You'll know when you get there. For now, just keep typing."
The phone stopped ringing with the messages she loved so much. It was time for her to go back to her evening routines with her child. Tomorrow is a new day, with other questions. In this weird time of her life, she needed to focus, preparing herself to do everything independently on her own because this was her inside battle.
Valery has done all evening routines with her child, ignoring her daughter's angry father comments, and both mother and kid went to sleep. The woman liked to sleep early last night because everything in her head seemed like just a dream. A dream that should become a reality or not. Only time could tell how.