the beauty of water: deep end | o. dazai ✔

chapter twenty-eight.

She took a couple steps back, reaching her hand behind her as she began to cry. She gripped the edge of the stool, its cheap cushion pressing against her fingers. She pulled it to her and sat down, clutching the book close to her chest as she let out a sob.

Hinami, who had been counting the cash from the register, peered her head around one of the shelves. With a concerned expression, she asked, "Everything okay, (Y/n)? Did something happen?" She furrowed her brows. "You didn't damage any of the books, did you?"

(Y/n) shook her head, looking up to Hinami with red eyes and tear stained cheeks. Hinami immediately recognized her expression, fulling coming around the shelf and to (Y/n). She crouched in front of the crying young woman, getting as close to her level as she could.

"What's wrong?"

"Did I make a mistake, Hinami?" (Y/n) asked, sniffling as she used her cardigan sleeve to wipe her nose (not a hygienic move but certainly a comforting one). "Should I have stuck it out with the agency?"

"(Y/n)," Hinami began, placing her hands on (Y/n)'s shoulders, "you made the right decision to step away from the Armed Detective Agency. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just step away for a moment and take a break."

(Y/n) sniffled again. Hinami sighed and further questioned, "That's not the reason you're crying though, is it?"

(Y/n) shook her head.

"Then what is it?"

"It's... It's just that I miss Dazai so much." (Y/n) pulled the book from her chest and looked down at it. "I left something that was going to be amazing because I'm weak-willed. I left the man that I know I am destined to have a life of some kind with because I got upset over Kunikida being an ass."

Hinami gently rubbed (Y/n)'s shoulders, going down to her upper arms in the comforting move. "There's always other people, (Y/n). You don't have to settle down for one guy. It's been a year since you last saw him – hasn't there ever been another person that's piqued your interest? A person you thought about going out with at least one time – maybe for the night?"

"Of course I thought about it, everyone has a thought or two like that." (Y/n)'s tears slowed but had not stopped. "But every time I have a thought like that, I remember what I felt with Dazai. I have never felt this strongly about another person. It was terrifying how deeply I cared for him. I can't bear with the idea of being with another person when I know that I will never feel for them what I feel for Dazai."

"I understand, but that doesn't explain the tears." Hinami took a step back, resting her hands on her hips. "I've never seen you cry this hard or this much. What's different about now?"

"Hinami," (Y/n) coughed a bit from crying so hard, "I can't bear with the guilt I feel over leaving him."

Hinami raised a brow and crossed her arms. She studied (Y/n), eying her from her slightly messed-up hair to her scuffed-up sneakers. She rubbed the back of her head and shook it.

"You're serious about feeling guilty?" (Y/n) nodded. "Well don't. If he feels as deeply about you as you do for him, he'll wait until you're ready to return to be with you and work with you at the agency." She leaned towards (Y/n). "Got it?"

(Y/n) sniffled, standing from the stool and placing the book back onto the shelf. "Yeah, you're right. Thanks, Hinami. You rock."

"Well, duh."

(Y/n) felt herself smiling as she stared at the stool. Hinami had been right – she was at least once in a while.

She shook her head, rubbing the back of her neck as she turned back towards the way she came. I should head back to the agency in case Hibiki wakes up. Plus, we'll want to start working on finding any clues leading to Hinami as soon as possible.

She began walking back to the agency, passing by some larger alleys on the way. She came to a sudden stop as she heard, "Come on, Soma, I know you know something! Just spill already!"

Soma, (Y/n) repeated in her mind. Why does that name sound so familiar...? She widened her eyes as she fully remembered the name and her original interaction with the boy.

She spun on her heel towards the alleyway, watching the two teens interact in the alley. Nico was pressed against the outer wall of the nearby store by a slightly larger boy wearing a wine-colored scarf.

(Y/n) looked down at the nearby sewage drain, holding her hand out towards it. She watched as the bright blue markings appeared on her exposed skin, a slight blue glow appearing under the cap.

"Hey!" (Y/n) called out as she took a couple steps into the alleyway. "Get off of him."

The boy turned towards (Y/n) and scoffed. He slammed Nico into the brick wall one last time before throwing him against a nearby dumpster with a loud bang.

"Oh yeah? What're you gonna do about it, girlie?" he taunted, pushing his chest out as he attempted to intimidate her. "Throw your purse at me?"

(Y/n) flicked her wrist, causing a small stream to burst through the drain – launching the cap into the alley and into the dumpster Nico had been thrown against.

The boy widened his eyes. He pointed to her as he exclaimed, "You have one of those special abilities?"

"Yep." She popped her 'p'. "And here's my purse!" She pushed her hands towards the boy, causing the glowing blue stream to fly out towards him.

It slammed against his chest, sending him flying as he eventually slammed into the nearby wall. The mere impact left him unconscious, causing him to slump against the ground.

(Y/n) snapped her fingers and the stream fell onto the ground as he became normal water once again. She turned to Nico, who had watched the whole ordeal while he recovered from the throw.

Her markings disappeared as she walked over, kneeling to his level. "Are you okay?"

"(Y/n)? You're here? You're alive?!" he exclaimed, blinking a couple times as he looked at her up close.

"Yep, I'm living the dream – being alive."

"Well... Thanks for saving me." He stood up, causing her to stand with him to remain somewhat on his level. "I suppose I should get going now..."

Nico began to walk away but was stopped when (Y/n) grabbed his wrist tightly. "I don't think so."

He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Am I in trouble?"

"Not yet."