The other Berry

The Quarterback

I look up to the sky before closing my eyes and looking back down. I can't face them. I want to support them and be there for them, but how can I help others get through this when I can't get through it myself?

I'll stand by you by The Pretenders starts playing.

I wipe the stray tear that escaped from my eye before standing up. I take out my mirror and check that my eyes aren't red and puffy before I walk closer to the door. As Mercedes is singing and everyone is distracted, I walk over to the door and stand there listening to her.

As the song finishes, I look down at the floor and wipe my eye. When I look back up, I see Ryder turn his head towards me. He whispers to Sam before everyone looks up at me.

I feel my cheeks burn as my eyes sting, filling up with tears. I have to get away from there, people will ask me about Finn, how he died, why I did it, am I going to therapy.

I don't want to answer them.

I want to deal with it myself, keep it to myself. I don't want my feelings spread out throughout the whole club, or even the school.

How he died is irrelevant. It's who he died as, that's important.

He was going to get his teaching degree. He was gonna be here with us. Teaching us. Helping out. Leading.
Leading was what he was born to do.

I wipe another tear away as I turn and walk down the hallway hurriedly.
——
Me and Kurt are standing infront of the dumpster cross-armed, watching people sign it when Puck walks up to you.

"What's with the, uh, Banksy loser parade?" He asks.
"You're exhausting" Kurt replies "You seriously don't recognise this dumpster?"
"What do you mean?" I mumble confusedly.
"Oh yeah" Puck realises.
"Soon as Finn joined glee club, being a loser, an outcast and a misfit, it...it all became okay" Kurt continues.
"Hey, give me that jacket. Seriously I'll pay for it" Puck demands as he grabs Kurt's shoulder "I'm sure you have a whole room full of mementos. I got nothing to remember him by"
"Me neither. Puck, don't you have your own letterman jacket?" I sigh.
"That's not the point"
"You can't have this jacket" Kurt replies.
"That jacket is reserved for people who earned it. I'm not gonna let you bedazzle it with glitter and turn it into some Project Runway shawl"
"Lay off, Puck" I warn him.
"So what are you gonna do, beat me up and take it from me? Throw me in a dumpster? You can't have it" Kurt snaps.

As Kurt walks away, Puck sighs.

"He won't put glitter or anything on it" I turn to Puck.
"Yeah? How would you know" he asks as he turns to me.
"I won't let him, and he wouldn't even do it anyway. It still belongs to Finn. Kurt knows that"
——
I'm standing infront of Finns memorial when Santana walks up to me. She puts her arm around my shoulder as I lean my head against hers.

"Hi Lillie, hi Santana. Shouldn't you be with Tina in the glee club? I-I don't mean to pry, it's just, I had Tina mourning in song with the glee club until 10:45 at the earliest" Dottie asks softly.
"I haven't been there" I reply, keeping my eyes on the memorial.
"I had to get out of there. Felt like my head was gonna explode" Santana replies.

Bree and a few other Cheerios walk up to the memorial before bending down and beginning to blow out candles.

"The fuck?" I exclaim.
"Woah, woah, woah, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Santana asks Bree.
"Principal Sylvester told us the candles have to go. She said she got a call from the fire marshal" Bree raises her eyebrow.
"You cannot let her do this" Santana talks to Figgins.
"Um, he's the janitor" Bree rolls her eyes.
"Okay, this is...this is insane" Santana exclaims as she storms down the hallway leaving me glaring at Bree.
"You don't care do you?" I ask Bree.
"I honestly couldn't give a shit. Who cares if your friend died, jesus. Take a chill pill psychopath" Bree answers as she stands up and turns away before turning back "Oh, I'm sorry, did that make you wanna k1ll yourself even more?"