COSMOS

Anemone: pain of love

"But I do," Brett looked straight into Eddy's eyes, not daring to close his eyes in fear of tears falling. Brett knew Eddy was lying about something. Eddy's voice told him, Eddy's shaky hands told him, Eddy's nervous eyes told him.

What was Eddy lying about though?

"Maybe you do or maybe you are confused. I'm not sure but I'm not ready to jeopardize what we have because of something ... like this."

Brett noticed how Eddy spoke the word this like it was the disgusting piece of wet dirt in his mouth.

"What is this?"

"You tell me, Brett."

"It's one-sided love."

"Please don't put it that way."

"How can I put it any other way?"

"Fuck, Brett!" Eddy shouted, covering his face with his hands. "I'm trying to make this easier for both of us. Why can't you just say-"

"What? That I was just joking last night? That I wasn't hiding my feelings for all this time? What do you want?" Brett shouted back sharply, clenching his fist.

"I lost my girlfriend a few days ago, for fuck's sake. Can't you give me a break? Do I really need to lose my best friend right now?"

Brett fell silent, feeling dizzy as the image of Hannah's butchered hand filled his head. If Justin has killed Hannah for him, does that mean Brett has technically killed Hannah? Is Brett responsible for both the loss of Eddy's girlfriend and their relationship and their business? How could he have possibly fucked up like this?

"I..."

"I didn't know, Brett! I didn't know about your feeling! If I had known..I...I would have been different..." Eddy stuttered.

"...you really didn't know?" Brett asked quietly, feeling the tears falling heavily to his cheek.

Eddy was quiet for a moment. Then he inhaled a deep breath and replied softly.

"No."

"So I did a good job of hiding it," Brett smiled, wiping his tears.

"Yeah, you did, you idiot," Eddy whispered.

"I didn't want to ruin what we had. But...yesterday night...I just couldn't conceal it anymore, Eddy. I'm sorry."

"Look, Brett, I don't want to lose you. I ... I want you to stay with me despite everything. You are my best fucking friend, and you know it. It's just... it just can never be something romantic. I just ...can't."

"I understand," Brett spoke in a gentle voice. "I can't force you to love me. But you can't force me to stop loving you either."

"But-"

Before Eddy could protest, there was a loud knock on the door.

"Brett and Eddy? The concert is starting now. Time to go upstage," a voice announced outside the room.

Brett hurriedly wiped his face and picked up his violin. His hands were shaking but he took a deep breath, managing a smile.

"Come on, we have work to do."

***

The stage light was blinding. Brett looked around, feeling like the only thing left in this world right now was just him, Eddy, and the orchestra, music...and the rest was just pitch dark, a muffle and a cough. And silence.

Brett didn't know what Eddy was saying on stage. It was some kind of a joke, he guessed. Nothing really registered inside his head anymore. Just a vibration and the tingle in the air was what reminded him that the world was moving on, without him. Brett just smiled out to the darkness, wishing that the crowd wouldn't notice the tears in his eyes.