Evermore

Part 24

Josephine

When I woke up, my chest hurt.

It didn't hurt, it ached.

My heart endured so much pain last night and my mind is forcing me to forget it all.

I'm surprised I cried last night. I don't know why everything hit me so hard then. Why I let my mind wander. Why I thought of her.

There were only two months, from Ivy's death to the first Delvant attack. I don't remember much from that time, I was too depressed to get out of bed.

I turn to see Felix missing from the other side of the bed. Since we've been here, he's never been here when I woke up.

Sitting up in bed, I take in my mental state. I'm exhausted. A sense of emptiness filled through me and I couldn't bring myself to leave the bed. Slouching back down, I pull the duvet over my shoulders and try to bring myself to a place where I could maybe fall back asleep. A dream land being the only place I can enjoy right now.

I only hoped this feeling would be short lived, as I have so much to do now. So much that demands my attention. I cannot afford to be this sad.

It's funny, I have cried more in these last few months with Felix than I did in the two years without him.

"Jo, darling?" I hear the door slide open over the carpet, and Felix's presents creep closer to where I laid. "Are you awake?" Clattering next to me on the bedside table, I look up to see him settling a try filled with dishes and silverware. He notices my eyes now open and he brings his hand to my cheek, rubbing circle with his thumb where my tears previously fell. "Hi, darling." I give him a small smile, before pushing the blanket off of my aching body.

"I brought you some food, you need to eat." He mumbles, handing me one of the plates filled with eggs and cooked vegetables. He helps me sit up and once the plate is settled on my lap, takes his place on the bed next to me.

I stare at the food, not able to bring myself to eat.

"What's on your mind?" He asks, noticing my disorientation.

What isn't on my mind?

Every possible scenario is swarming my head like a overpopulated hive. Ivy, Lilla, us, home, my old life, the Delvant.

"We have to stop the Delvant." I tell him, not lifting my eyes. "I already lost Ivy, I cannot loose Lilla too." My voice breaks and I clamp my mouth shut again. I feel my eyes watering, gowning heavy while tears threaten to fall, and I know if I spoke again I would start crying.

His hand reaches for mine, intertwining our fingers.

"Look at me." He whispers and I lift my gaze to meet his. "I swear to you, on my life, nothing is going to happen to her. As long as I am alive, both of you are safe. I promise you." His emerald orbs burn into me, convincing me of his intensions. I can't look away from him. His eyes are a trap I fell into many decades ago. Able to convince me of anything and make me feel safer than any guard or weapon could.

Lilla inherited his eyes and I will always silently thank him for that.

I find myself nodding and tearing my gaze from his, collapsing onto his chest. He held me, like he did last night, whispering promises I hope he can keep.

"I wish I could take all of your fear and bad memories and hold them for you." He says after a while of silence.

"That will do more harm than good." I whisper in reply, leading with another bout of silence.

"Mama!" I heard from outside the hall and the swing of the door running across the carpet. Lilla bursts into our room and jumps onto the bed, making Felix and I sit up.

"Mama, Daddy! Wakeup! Its Sunday!" Her enthusiasm is contagious and I can't stop the smile taking over my face.

"It is Sunday, my angel." He giggles, pulling her in and enveloping her in our small bubble.

"It means its cuddle morning!" She tells him sternly, settling in between us. "Daddy, you forgot!" She frowns at him and I keep the laugh to myself.

That face is how she got anything from him. He was a sucker for that frown, willing to do anything to erase it from her dainty face. The very first time Lilla cried, she had him hooked around her little finger. Its his fault, really. I know her intentions and I don't give in.

Maybe that's why she picks him over me. She is so spoiled.

Back home, Felix worked everyday. He was always gone by the time she woke up and sometimes wouldn't be home until after she was asleep. He hated not seeing his daughter as much as he wanted and so he made sure Sunday, there was no work. He would stay home all day with us and we would be lazy and cuddle Lilla until mid afternoon.

It mainly started when I was pregnant, and didn't want to get out of bed. But after Ivy, it was hard for me to get out of bed so I used the time to soak up all the time I have with Lilla while she is still little.

We held her while she talked about every little thing on her mind, laughing and commenting on all of her stories.

It was normal. For the first time, I felt normal.

Lilla ended up falling back asleep and left Felix and I to our thoughts.

"I promise." He whispers, his eyes never leaving mine. "Till' death shall we part."