his weakness

35| not good enough.

Stupidly enough, I was hoping he would chase after me, but he doesn't. Not a word. The look he gave me left me baffled, unable to read his thoughts. His eyes were missing tons of emotion, and it left me feeling even more lost.

As I walk out of the house, tears start welling up. "Don't cry, Kenzie. Not over something like this. It's not worth it," I tell myself. Yet, the desire for him is overpowering, and it's the worst day imaginable.

It's strange how Nolan, by making things easier, shattered my heart before I could shatter his.. I surprise myself with my reaction—I didn't break down in front of them. I had always imagined crying and losing control if I ever caught Nolan cheating, but I didn't. I refused to let them see how deeply their actions affected me, especially Alyssa.

The action of Nolan cheating had lingered as a persistent thought, a product of overthinking. Yet, experiencing it was entirely different. Perhaps this relationship didn't unfold as I had envisioned. Maybe he never felt the same way I did, and I was naive to believe otherwise.

I think to myself, "Ah, you are so stupid, Kenzie," as a tear escapes down my cheek. I've lost count of how many times I've cried today. The sting in my eyes persists with every blink, and I can't fathom how there are still tears left. I know my eyes won't feel good when I wake up.

I groan in frustration as my Bluetooth rings from an incoming call as I'm driving back to hospital. I promised Chase I'd be back. The caller ID is the one person I don't want to talk to at all. Kieran. What the hell does he want now?

I decline it, I am not in the mood for anything. I hate Nolan, I hate everyone.

Another incoming call comes from him again.

I only answer it because I don't want to receive more fucking calls from him.

"What. Do. You. Want?" I say slowly. It's evident in my voice I haven't stopped crying but I don't give a crap about anything right now. I felt better after knowing Chase is perfectly fine but that same burning sensation is back in my heart.

"Did you find him?" Oh for fuck sake. Why does he care so much?

"Yeah I did." I answer hoping he'll leave the conversation here.

"So everything's okay now?" No it isn't. It was for a bit but not anymore.

"Why do you care so much?" I ask, not feeling bad for being a bitch.

"I don't care, I'm just asking because you think this is all my fault when it's not. I wasn't there and I'm trying to find out who was but I don't have anything to start off with." That's another thing I won't stop worrying about. Who else could it be?

"Chase is okay now. I don't care if you don't have anything to start off with, just find out who's men they were." I snap at him.

"Kenzie." He says my name and I take a deep breath in frustration.

"What?"

"What's wrong?" I want to tell someone about what happened. I really do and it's Kieran who I'm talking to. He won't care and I'm fine with that. As long as I get to talk about everything going on in my mind out loud.

"Everything. He cheated on me," I tell him as my voice cracks. I sound so fucking weak but I don't care. All I want is to let everything out. I would rant to Chase, Sam, Vanessa. Anyone but they all love Nolan, I don't want to turn them against him.