𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘆| ✔︎

22 // are you safe?

I like nights a lot more for various reasons. I'm closer to going to sleep, I get to sleep soon, and I sleep.

That's all.

I'm hungry.

I forgot to eat lunch, so I'm running off of caffeine. Which isn't healthy, I'll start putting reminders to eat since I get too absorbed in other things to remember.

I have gotten better at remembering though, well I guess I haven't but Parker always reminds me. It was a little annoying at first but now I'm grateful for it.

I talked to my dad yesterday.

I'm meeting him for lunch soon, just us with no Kaz. He's trying like I've said before, though I think it's a little too late for his attempts.

I'm an adult now, I don't necessarily need him. Middle school me did, or high school me, hell even nineteen year old me. None of those were that long ago, but even the short time difference made a big impact.

He wasn't completely absent, let's be real a six year old couldn't make it on their own fully. It was more of a emotional absence, that absence wasn't okay at all. When he was around it was draining.

I never really noticed or thought about it much.

After my mom passed away I focused more on him and his impacts on my life instead of hers. Sure he was around a lot more but just not in all the ways I needed.

I'm going to try and be civil with him for myself, I don't owe him anything. I owe myself something, and I think even just talking to him will give me some sort of satisfaction in a way. I don't want a strong bond with him or anything, I think the damage has already been done.

I want Kaz to have a good relationship with him though. The type where they watch movies together, go out to eat, play sports like football, and in Kaz's case specifically, act out random dramatic scenes in the living room.

He deserves to have someone else that isn't me to be there for him.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still keeping a very close eye on the whole thing. It's instinct at this point, the only person I can trust fully is myself.

I don't know what goes through everyone else's heads and their true intentions.

And I promise you, the only way something will ever happen to Kaz or someone I care about as long as I'm alive, will be when hell freezes over.

Glancing over at the clock I smiled seeing I only have ten minutes left until I can go home.

Thank god.

If I could I would never work a day in my life.

I think most people would.

Some say they would get bored eventually, I disagree. As long as I'm rich and have money to spend I'd keep myself entertained. Yachts, makeovers, hair and nail appointments, facials, horse racing, gambling, the true rich person life style.

It would be care free and perfect.

Hire a stylist, house keeper, chef, maybe a masseuse if I'm really committed to it.