Is the truth better then a dare

Its time for a game

He was shaking so much, he was getting so worked up by the fact he couldn't calm down. He just wanted to breathe.

He was getting trapped in his nightmare. He kept thinking about what happened. The torture, the killing, everything.

At this moment, for once, he wished someone would come and help him. He couldn't handle himself anymore. It had gotten so far.

For once, he went to seek out help. He pulled himself up, clutching right on to the table, and held on to everything he could. He wasn't really sure where he was going, but he was just trying to find a room. He stumbled into one and realised it was Sam's room. At this time, he really didn't care who it was.

"S-Sam."
Sam rolled around and slowly opened his eyes.
"Yeah."
Sam heard Bucky sob and him breathing very inconsistently.
"Bucky are you ok?" Sam said panicked.
"No." Bucky managed to get through his short breathes.

Sam couldn't believe what he was seeing. Bucky looked awful and so tired. He looks so terrified too. Sam had no idea what was happening but he was going to help him. He wasn't sure why, but he had a very protective feeling come over him. He had no idea what it was but he just wanted to help Bucky.

Bucky signalled that he couldn't breathe. Sam immediately sat him down and got him a glass of water. He wasn't sure if he could touch him.
"Can I touch you?"
Bucky nodded, pleadingly.
Sam rubbed circles into his back, and talked him through breathing. He made him count, and then look at things around him and take in his surroundings.

Bucky started to slow his breathing, with the help of Sam helping him calm down.

Bucky just sat there, Sam's hand still on Bucky's back and tears still dripping from his eyes.

Bucky was in so much shock. He had never had such a bad panic attack before. He had never asked for help before. He started to get worked up again thinking about it. Sam saw the way his face hit really tense and his breathing started to quicken.

"He, hey it's ok. I'm here for you." Sam gestured from a hug and Bucky fell right into him. His face was snuggled right into Sam shoulder.

Sam felt so awful. He had no idea what caused it but Bucky was in a right bad state. He had never seen a panic attack so bad before. The look of desperation and just how scared he looked was never going to leave his mind.

Sam hugged Bucky tightly, so Bucky knew he was there, he was there for him.

"Do you want to talk about it."
"No."

Bucky pulled from the hug quickly as he realised who it was and what happened. No one was supposed to know. Not a single person should know. He wasn't going to tell Sam what happened, Sam didn't need to be burdened with his trauma.

"I'm going to get a drink." Bucky got up and left without saying another word.

He got his coffee he was going to make before and sat outside, focusing on his breathing.

He knew what he had to do now. He had to pretend that didn't happen, and just try his best not to talk to Sam. But he had to tell Sam something first.

He walked back into Sam's room and spoke before Sam could.

"Please don't tell anyone about this. Not even Steve." He didn't say anymore, or wait for Sam to respond, he just walked out.

Things between Sam and Bucky were more awkward then ever before. Bucky sat on the complete opposite side of the room, whenever they were in the same room together.

In all honesty, he would love Sam to care for him, but he couldn't do that. He couldn't let Sam know about his awful life, it would just ruin his. And he could never be with Sam because Sam deserved so much better then him. He didn't deserve some broken, weak man.

After that fiasco, it took a lot for Bucky to not cry in front of everyone. It was all he could think about and he kind of hated how he treated Sam too.

Steve noticed something was wrong, but Bucky kept insisting he was fine and every time he did, Sam glanced a him.

Why did this have to happen.
Sometimes Bucky thought life would be easier if people knew, but he reminded himself how people would looks at him, how his friends would look at him. He would just be a mood dampener.

He wasn't going to ruin other people's life just because his was ruined to a point of no return.