Chapter 45

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I returned to town that evening and headed to Avani’s rooms in the castle. I knew what I needed to do, though I dreaded the prospect. She was there, sitting with a book held loosely in her hand as she waited for me to return, and she eagerly jumped up when I walked in.

“Oh, Leo! There you are! I was starting to worry just an eensy little bit,” she exclaimed as she threw her arms around my neck.

I gave her a light kiss, then stepped back. “I… I’m sorry, My Lady. I’m going to be returning to my room at the inn for the time being.” She looked searchingly into my eyes, baffled and hurt. I swallowed hard—this was even more difficult than I’d imagined. Hastily, I gave her my prepared excuse. “I have some work that Arthur wants done as quickly as possible, so you see, I need to be in a place where I can concentrate. The castle tends to be rather… bustling—butlers and visitors and so on coming and going all day. So….”

She nodded, accepting my excuse without question, though whether she saw through it or not, I could not tell. She smiled weakly at me, saying, “Then I hope you are able to finish it quickly and return to me. I’ll… I’ll miss you, Leo.” Then she turned and fled out her back door, leaving me feeling more torn and guilty than ever.

I had accumulated quite a collection of my possessions in her rooms—clothing, books, scrolls, scribing materials, and an assortment of odds and ends that I’d collected on various adventures since I’d more or less taken up residence in the castle. Even the foxes had moved in, sleeping in the study when the daybed was not needed for a guest, and on the sofa or the chairs in the main chamber when it was. They had even become friendly with Baldur, after some initial hostility on his part and caution on theirs. In fact, it wasn’t until I attempted to disentangle myself from Avani’s home that I realized just how deeply intertwined our lives had become… nor had I quite realized how painful that separation would be until the moment arrived.

I spent the rest of the evening alone in my room at the inn, lost in thoughts both old and new, my foxes lying curled against me. They had been reproachful at first when I told them we were returning to the inn for the time being, but they appeared to have finished with their recriminations and were content to leave me to my own, which more than sufficed.

Early the next morning, I started to work on translating the pages Kiel had brought me. However, by the time I was halfway through the first page, I realized why it had seemed so very familiar at first glance yesterday: it was my story—mine and Maria’s. I also realized that, if I continued on, I might at last learn just what had become of her after I became a Guardian. And the thought of that petrified me. I leaned back, staring in dismay at the pages before me. Then I quickly gathered them up and bolted through town to Kiel’s house.

When he opened the door to me, still in his pyjamas and yawning sleepily, I hastily shoved the papers at him. “I’m sorry, Kiel. I… I can’t read any more. Please take them.” Then I turned and left as hastily as I’d arrived, fleeing to the solitude of my room. As terrible as it was to not know… it was far better to be able to imagine a happy life for her in my present state of uncertainty, than to have my fears that she had lived and died in miserable solitude confirmed.

Arthur stopped by shortly afterwards to see how I was progressing. Sitting at my desk with my head in my hands, I didn’t even look up as I said, “I’m sorry, Arthur. I… need to take a break from this for a while.”

There was a pause, then he said, slowly, “Well, Leon, if you feel you need to stop for now, then so be it. I must say it’s most unlike you to set a task aside unfinished, so I assume that you have your reasons. Please do let me know when you feel able to pick up your work again, will you?”

I nodded, and he left, closing the door gently behind him. I heard his footsteps fading away down the stairs, then a short while later, another set of footsteps treading up them. Soon there was a knock on my door, and Avani stepped in.

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