Better Than Words

Spaces

"No."

I freeze. "What?"

"No," he says simply. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Wait... What?" I ask him again, baffled. "I thought this was what you wanted?"

"It is. But it isn't what you want. Even if it is, I don't think it's a good idea to just go back into it. I still feel really really badly over it and I don't want you to end up hating me because we didn't properly deal with it."

Okay, insightful Niall was not what I was expecting. I'm so shocked by his calm rejection that I have no idea what to say. Am I getting dumped?

"I love you Ali, you know I do. I love you more than anything I think I've ever loved. But that's why I need to make sure I figure my own things out before we try this again. I'll give you space or I can be your friend since we're always around each other anyway, but I do think we need time apart from us. Is that alright...?" He looks at me, gauging my reaction.

"Uh... Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Um... Thank you...?" I am beyond confused. I try to regain control of the situation as quickly as I can.

"So then we're going to start over and take it slow, okay?" I say with more confidence than I have.

"If that's what you think would be best, I'll do it." Niall smiles at me in an almost professional way.

"Okay. Then... That's it. We're broken up, right?"

Despite his choice, Niall cringes a little at the words. "Yes, we're... We aren't together right now."

"Okay."

"Okay," he says back with a very small smile. "Well, I think I'll let you get some rest for now. Let me know when you're back in class, alright?"

"I will. Thank you for coming, and for letting me borrow your guitar," I say and gesture to his guitar again.

"Sure thing," he nods as he picks it up and packs it away. He hesitates by the door for just a moment and looks back. "I... I'll see you later Ali."

"See ya," I say weakly. Despite our mutual agreement, I feel a pang of loneliness in my chest as I see him walk down the hall. Suddenly I'm not hungry anymore.

When the nurse and doctor come later, they fuss over me to check how I'm doing. When they're satisfied with my improvement, they tell me I'll be allowed to go home tomorrow afternoon. I call my dad to tell him not to come down after all because I'll be out, and then I call Marina and let her know what time I'll be able to leave. My dad fights me a bit and insists he should come, but eventually I talk him out of it and assure him that the girls will take care of me. When he asks about Niall, I quickly change the subject to how much this next quarter is going to cost.

I'm sad about my car, but that's the least of my worries. I have a few days of school to make up still, and now a whole new experience to "look forward to" for winter quarter. Maybe I can join a club or a team since choir never worked out. Whatever it is, it'll have to take up the time I usually spent with Niall.

The next morning, the nurse gives me the green light to get dressed into my own clothes--the ones Niall brought, at least. I grimace at my reflection in the mirror as I put on my sports bra. My arms are scabbed all over the place like I got a million tiny paper cuts, and my bruises have turned a sickly green. Showering won't be fun.

I'll have to get someone to help me brush my hair as well, it's become a giant tangled knot wrapped in a bandage like a headband. I'm glad the cut on my head wasn't too big... Only, what, a few inches or so from my skull nearly breaking through the glass? Not so bad. They gave me about twenty stiches so it wouldn't scar too much.

After I get dressed I sit on the bed and color a little more until Marina comes. She and Liam both look happy to see that I'm up and in a better state than before.

"Ready to go?" Liam asks. Marina helps me gather my things and the three of us walk out to Liam's car to go back home.

As we walk up the stairs to our dorm, I notice a billboard with flyers all over it. A poster for the mock trial team catches my eye:

"DO YOU WANT TO WORK WITH REAL LAWYERS? DO YOU WANT TO GAIN LEGAL EXPERIENCE?

Well, we can't promise you any of that, but we can guarantee that this team would be a good idea. Compete against teams from across the country, gain a little trial experience, and become part of an awesome family. Check the website for application/tryout info!"

I pull off one of the contact tabs at the bottom and finish walking to our dorm. I did mock trial for a year in high school and I enjoyed it, so this might be cool.

"Thinking of doing it?" Marina asks, noticing the slip of paper in my hand.

"Yeah, maybe. Who knows? It could be fun." I shrug and take my bag from Liam. "Thank you so much for everything, I'm sure the recovery was a lot quicker because of all your guys' help."

"'Course, Ali. All of us were frantic when we'd heard what happened, and we just wanted to get you back as soon as possible. I've gotta go back to class, but I think Sam and Zayn are almost out and they should be bringing some takeaway. I'll see you both later then!" Liam says, quite chipper. He kisses Marina goodbye quickly and leaves.

"So how did things go with Niall?" Marina asks, wasting no time. I'm barely in my room before I can answer.

"They went okay, I guess. We're officially broken up." I can't hide the sulking in my voice.

"Whew, I was hoping that was what you'd pick after all. I can't tell you--" she starts, relieved, but the look I give her tells her she shouldn't continue. "Was that not something you actually wanted?"

"I don't know. I told him I would have been willing to try to work through everything, but then I'm pretty sure he dumped me. He said he wouldn't feel comfortable going back into it because he didn't want me to hate him."

"Huh. So the little shit did something smart for once." She looks slightly impressed.

"Oh, stop it, it's not like you've hated him this entire time." I shoot her another look to be sure. "Right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It's just so much easier to be annoyed at everything he's ever done when stuff like this comes up. But, if it makes you feel better, I guess I won't say stuff like that." Marina rolls her eyes begrudgingly.

"Thank you, really, that's much too kind," I say, my voice thick with sarcasm.

"Anyway," Marina sneers back, "how are you feeling? Think you wanna go to class tomorrow?"

"I guess so. It depends on how much sleep I get." I lay gratefully on my bed, exhausted all of a sudden.

"No one would blame you for staying home, I mean, you were in an accident."

"I know, but I don't think I can afford to stay out of class for long. Things just go way too quickly." The thought of how much makeup work I have makes my head ache. "Hey, do you mind helping me with my hair after I shower?"

"Yeah, sure," Marina says. "Just make sure not to spend too much time under the water, and be sure to dry your hair really well afterward. You don't want your stitches wet for too long," she tells me with a quick tap on the side of her head.

"Did the nurse tell you that?" I ask.

"Nah, I saw it on Grey's," she shrugs. I laugh quietly as I walk into the bathroom and shower carefully.

When I get out, Sam and Zayn are in the kitchen pulling out paper plates and plastic cups. They've brought takeout from the sushi place we usually go to. When Marina's finished brushing and braiding my hair, I tie a bandana around my head to protect the stitches again. Marina wrinkles her nose at the fish, but takes her chicken when we go out there.

I half expect to see Niall waiting on the couch, maybe picking out a movie for us all to watch and digging into his food, but of course he isn't. It's been one day and I can already tell this whole space thing is going to take some getting used to.