Tempest and Tide [Nikolai Lantsov]

~ Chapter Twelve ~

So instead he pulls me even closer, like he can stop time here in this moment if he simply wants it enough. And I want it too. I wish with everything in my heart that this could be more.

But it can't.

The kiss ends all too quickly. I don't want to pull away, I want to savor every last moment, last breath before I have to face the harshness of reality.

That no matter how well he hides it, he's still the Prince. It might be months, it might be years, but he'll end up back in his Kingdom.

If we keep going down this path it can only lead to pain for both of us. I've known it since that first day I met him, in the furthest dark corner of my heart, but I've been swept away by the overwhelming reality of having him back. I could ignore how much it would cost us because finally, I had him.

Now it's getting much too real. The tide is turning, ready to pull me back out with it, to suck me across the sea. And though I would be with Nikolai, I would most certainly drown.

Brushing a strand of hair from my cheek, the Prince's eyes glide across my face.

"Kora."

The softness in his voice sends shivers across my skin. He says my name like a promise - that things will be different now, better.

"Do you remember back when we would pretend that we were in another world? Do you remember which game we played the most?"

I nod uncertainly, not sure where he's going with this, "You would pretend to be under a curse."

A mischievous smile creeps over Nikolais face, his eyes dancing like waves, "I had tried to convince you that only a kiss could break the spell. You looked so skeptical when I suggested it. That day I snuck Kvass from the kitchens and you were sure I was somehow going to trick you into trying it."

"Eventually you relented and gave me a quick peck." He grins at the memory, his hands trailing down my arm until they intertwine with my own, "It was on the cheek and we were just ten, but that quickly became my favorite game. I never thought that we could get any farther than that. I never thought you would want to."

"If you needed me, it's nothing to how much I needed you. How much I still do. There was one fantasy that I never thought could be real and that was having you by my side. It's been like that since we were kids and now," Nikolai lets out a low breath, his bright hazel eyes fastened on me, "Now, I'm more certain than ever that I -"

"Stop," I breathe, pressing my hand to his lips to stifle his words.

The ghost of the unspoken thought hangs between us on the sea air. As much as my chest aches to hear them, I know I can't let him speak this into reality. I can't be pulled under the waves.

While it remains a mere thought, we can pretend it was a dream and wake tomorrow with only the memories.

But I love him too.

And the knowledge burns into my heart.

The breeze washes around us, bringing with it freedom that I've felt for the first time in my life. Freedom that I'm not so willing to give up, even for him.

Closing my eyes, I rest my forehead against his. I can hear my voice shake but I let it, he has to know how much this hurts me, "Don't say it. If you do, I won't leave."

"So stay," Nikolai whispers, his words caressing my skin. I can feel his heart beating next to mine, the rhythm steady as the tide, "Stay on the Volkvolny, It's got to be ten times more interesting than Novyi Zem especially since I'm there."