Your Favorite Secret

Contaminated

Your birthday was the day after Mat came back from a roadtrip in California. He agreed to take you out hiking in Rockefeller State Park and to go get dinner from Momofuku Noodle Bar. You were so excited to see him again. That night you dreamt of him singing, sounding like John Mayer, to you with a guitar for your birthday. For some reason in your dream, instead of singing the traditional happy birthday song, he sang . Although the dream you had did not make any clear sense, the feelings of heartbreak that Phoebe sang in her song would eventually show up in your life sooner than expected.

Before your birthday hike, you asked Mat if you could go have a sit-down brunch on the way to the park. Mat did not want to be caught out in public with you for privacy reasons but because it was your special day, he caved in and agreed to it. While you were enjoying your birthday pancakes, a beautiful blonde woman with a stroller came up to your table and started talking to Mat. You found out that her name was Sydney, her husband was a teammate of Mat's and altogether, she was everything that you were not. She mentioned how she was in the area for some morning Mommy and Me yoga class with her daughter, Winnie, and stopped by to grab a quick bite with her daughter before going to run other errands. Sydney called you Jillian and brought up how nice it was to meet you, that she was sad that she didn't get to meet you at the Casino Night charity gala because Winnie was sick and she missed the event and that she would love to get to know you better. You looked at Sydney blindsided by her comment but her child began to fuss. Sydney said that it was probably time for Winnie's nap and before leaving, she mentioned for you to not be a stranger, to come sit with her and the other WAGs at a game and for Mat to bring you around sometime.

You were shocked and confused by Sydney's comment about the gala. Mat had previously mentioned that he was going to the gala but he purposefully did not invite you. He knew that you were available the night of the gala, were willing to go to the event and even purchase yourself a new outfit for it but he never mentioned a single word about taking you along as his date. Mat looked really embarrassed by what had unfolded in front of him. He looked at you with those green eyes of his that you adored and began his explanation with "you know I love you, right?". How could he possibly say that he loves you (something that he never said to you prior to this moment) when he doesn't bring you around anyone in his inner circle and you couldn't tell anyone that you were together? Who in the world was Jillian and why did Sydney call you that? Mat first explained his history with Jillian and revealed that he actually flew her out to be his date for the gala. The guys on the team knew that he was involved with someone but he never revealed who it was. After a chirp about his love interest being a ghost and wanting to get the guys off his back about his love life, he decided to invite Jillian as his date. To entice her to accept his invite, Mat promised to purchase her new items for the special event and Jillian only agreed to go along with it because she enjoyed the attention and wanted a new expensive dress and jewelry. After having a little too much to drink that night, he ended up sleeping with her after the gala. Mat felt guilty about the fact that he deceived people and slept with Jillian but the damage had already been done.

After that devastating confession, Mat went on to explain that he didn't have you around to protect you from it all because he felt like you didn't deserve to go through the drama, harassment, trolling, bullying and pushback that would come with dating a hockey player. He knew that the world would be against the two of you being together. He also didn't want to hear the nasty chirps that would come up because you were together. Yes, it was a lot to handle but you didn't care and you were willing to try and take the risk for him because you truly love him and were in way too deep for him. You didn't love Mat because he was some hockey player who made tons of money and was super attractive but you loved him for who he was underneath all of that. You would love him, even if he was a janitor at UBS Arena. He didn't have to shout his supposed love for you from the rooftops and post about you 24/7 but he could have at least let you meet one of his teammates. You would let him meet your friends and family and go public with him, regardless of the commentary and backlash. You were willing to make your social media accounts private, start shopping at luxury brands, and even take the pushback, bullying, trolling, harassment and drama associated with being together; you would give him the moon if you could. Mat truly did love you and he loved you so much that he wanted to protect you from the negative aspects of his lifestyle. You understood and respected that but the unspoken aspect of it all was that Mat chose to uphold the standards of hockey culture instead. Mat knew that going public with you would be the definition of changing hockey culture. He couldn't change the fact of you being who you are and that you didn't fit into the box of ideals, standards, and norms created by hockey culture but he still loved you, regardless of those things. You both had spent so much time, effort, and emotion building up this relationship and it all came crashing down.