Your Favorite Secret

Closer to You

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"Now, you're calling 3 AM, my head is spinning. Pushed off the sheets from my bed cause the phone keeps ringing. All I keep thinking is "have I lost my mind?" But I'm picking up for the last time" -3 AM by HAIM

"Cause I know my place and it ain't with you. Sunsets fade and love does too. Oh, we had our day in the sun. When a horse wants to run, there ain't no sense in closing the gate. You can have your space." -Space Cowboy by Kacey Musgraves

1:47 am

Dear Mat,

The light shining from your laptop mocked you. You were hurt and struggled with what to say. You didn't know how you were going to tell him but he had to know how you felt. You banged your fists against the table out of frustration. Your cousin, who was visiting you from out of town, heard the noise and saw you on the verge of tears. Your cousin asked if you were okay and you replied that you weren't because you gave him your heart and he smashed it into pieces. Your cousin questioned about who this he was and for the first time in months, you finally opened up to someone about Mat and how he was the biggest secret you were forced to keep.

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You had just moved to Long Island for work. You had gotten a job at UBS Arena, working as an junior accountant for the facility. On your first day of work, you went into a coffee shop near the arena and saw that the line was long. You contemplated leaving but you were craving a chai tea latte to help soothe your first day nerves. You politely asked the tall guy in front of you if you could cut in front of him and he agreed to it. Based on your body language, the guy could tell that you were a bit nervous and decided to talk with you to try to ease your mind and to pass time while waiting in line. He asked what you ordered when you came to this coffee shop and if you came there often and you replied that you were new in town for work. He said that he came to this coffee shop to pick up drinks for himself, his mom and sister, who were visiting him from out of town. As the line progressed forward, you explained to him about your new job and you asked him about his. He introduced himself as Mathew Barzal and told you that he played for the Islanders, the local professional hockey team which played at the same place you were employed. Although you barely exchanged a conversation, Mat was curious about you and decided that he wanted to chat with you more over dinner to celebrate your first day of work. You had barely met this guy but you decided to take a risk and accept his offer to go out with him. It was your time to place your order and you did. While you both waited for your drinks, you reconvened back with Mat and exchanged numbers with him and told him which hotel you were staying at. You were staying at a hotel temporarily for a week until your apartment was ready for you to move into. Your drink came out faster than the time you spent waiting in line but you had to go to work so you said goodbye to Mat and left.

Your first day at work went fine; you learned the basics of the software you were working with, made connections with some of your co-workers and were officially onboarded into the system. To your surprise, Mat actually did text you to confirm the dinner plans for that night and he suggested that you must try an iconic slice of New York pizza. You were nervous for this dinner; you had only known Mat for less than 24 hours and he was going to take you out. You weren't really sure what his intentions were with you, but you saw it as a date, and a date with an NHL player was not something you were going to pass on. Just as he had promised earlier, he did pick you up on time and take you to Motorino's, his favorite brick oven pizza restaurant in New York. What you didn't know was that he waved the first red flag in front of you that night. Motorino's was great, the food was delicious and you had a great time together. You spent hours talking and learning a lot about each other; you learned things that you like about Mat and Mat learned things that he liked about you. You tried your best to avoid bringing up hockey but it was a huge part of Mat's life so it naturally came up in your conversations and he did not have a problem talking about it with you. You also both realized how much you actually enjoyed talking to each other. Mat thought that the person who was sitting across from was amazing and you thought the same about him.