Backstabber (Five Hargreeves x Reader)

Five in Wonderland: A Mad Tea Party

"But I didn't even use my cup!" Five exclaimed, being pushed into a different seat. "Would you like a little more tea?" Klaus the Hatter asked as he started pouring from a teapot into a teacup that was stacked on top of multiple other cups. Five growled out, "Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't take more-"

"You mean you can't take less!" Ben the Hare pointed out as he smashed open a teapot so the tea spilled into Five's new cup. Klaus the Hatter started shoveling spoonfuls of sugar into Five's cup. "Yes! You can always take more than nothing!"

Five picked up the cup and smelled the white topping but it smelled like a mixture of sugar and cocaine. "No, I meant that I-" Klaus the Hatter cut him off again as he crossed his legs. "And now, my dear child, something seems to be troubling you. Won't you tell us about it?" He said in an annoying mother tone while dipping a tea bag in his cup.

"Start at the beginning." Ben the Hare mentioned as he was suddenly sitting criss-cross applesauce on the table. "Yes, and when you come to the end, stop!" Klaus giggled out.

Five sighed and put his cup down, glad someone will actually listen to him in this place. "Well, it all started while I was sitting in the courtyard with (Y/n)."

"Interesting." Ben the Hare said between sips of his tea. "Who's (Y/n)?"

Five perked up, a light blush creeping up on his cheeks. "She's... she's a girl I know. She... she's great. We've had a couple, well more like a lot, of bumps in the road but she means well. She's a hard worker with a kind personality. She's a great leader with a strong will but she has this problem where she unhealthily thinks about others before herself. Oh and she loves piano a lot an-"

"Tea?" The Mad Klaus Hatter suddenly asked the March Ben Hare who nodded and gave his cut vertically in half cup to him. "Just half a cup if you don't mind." Five looked at the half cup in confusion as the tea didn't spill out in half even though it was gravitationally impossible.

"Come, come my child. Don't you care for tea?" Klaus the Hatter asked the boy as he poured tea in his mouth straight from the pot.

Five groaned with tension with his fingers massaging the bridge of his nose, "Yes, I really like tea, but-" "If you don't like tea, you should at least make conversation!" Ben the Hare cut off before taking a sip from his half cup, now seated back in his chair.

Five slammed a butter knife into the table, which made even Grace the Dormouse jump a little, and said through clenched teeth. "Well, I've been trying to ask you-" "I have a great idea!" Ben the Hare announced. "Let's change the subject!" He then poured the rest of his tea on the table.

Klaus the Hatter laughed loudly, holding his hat onto his head as he leaned back in laughter so it wouldn't fall. He threw his cup in the air and then it crashed down on the table, breaking into pieces with a loud noise. "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

'Riddles? Are you kidding me? Fine, whatever, I've always been better at riddles than these bozos back at home.' Five said in his head before thinking. With his elbows resting on the table he folded his hands together in front of him as he mumbled to himself. "Why is a raven... like a writing desk?"

"I beg your pardon?" Klaus the Hatter asked him in confusion. "Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Five repeated louder while unfolding his hands.

Klaus the Hatter threw his cup behind him as it crashed and was destroyed against a tree. "Why is a what?!" Ben the Hare ran over to him and hid behind him with his hands on his shoulders. "Careful! He's stark raving mad!"

Five stood up in complete angry shock. "I'm mad!? But it's your stupid riddle!" He quickly walked over and leaned closer to the Mad Klaus with a pointing finger who leaned back in his chair in fear. "You just said..."