―I. COMEDY RELIEF

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CHAPTER I

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CHAPTER I. COMEDY RELIEF

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THERE is a fine line between bravery and stupidity.

Well, me, I'm pretty stupid.

I'm...to put it into the words of every single person who has ever met me..."reckless". I jump into things and don't think of the outcomes or consequences. I never have, and to be truthfully honest, probably never will.

I was three when I pulled my first stunt. I was at a golf competition with my father, and while we were riding in the golf cart, I saw a rabbit in the field. And I jumped out of the moving golf cart. And I cracked my head open on the concrete I forgot was there because I was hyperfocused on getting that rabbit and taking it home with me.

I was six when my cousin dared me to do a front flip off the shed with the promise to take me to see the brand new movie we'd seen trailers about. I broke my arm in two places and knocked my front teeth out. But I sure as hell went to go see that movie with my little white arm cast and missing front teeth. 

I was seven and a half when I fell from the top of a tree trying to get the neighbor's cat off a branch. I broke my tailbone and I'm pretty sure my mother was convinced I was paralyzed from the waist down. The cat climbed down after me, and sat and stared at me while I was lifted into an ambulance. I hated that cat.

I was nine when I was chasing after my family during our hiking trip in the mountains. I saw a snake slithering across the path and stopped everything I was doing. It was cute, and I had utterly ignored the fact that it was hissing at me and tried to grab it. It looked sad and lonely, so I wanted to be its friend. It was a diamondback rattlesnake that had just been released into the preserve. And it bit me. The pump they used to get the venom out tickled. My brother kicked it off the top of the mountain. I kicked him back. 

I was ten when I was standing at the bus stop with my brother and sister and saw a dog limping down the road. My sister called the dog warden to come to pick it up, and my brother was busy trying to keep the rest of the kids from getting near it. I saw it was bleeding, and when I tried to pet it, it bit my hand. My sister beat the shit out of me all the way back home to tell my mother.

And when I was eleven it happened. I don't like to recall that accident, and would rather not talk about it if all possible. It was the incident that left me with a scar that drug from the top of my right shoulder, down my back, and crossed to my left hip. 

Since that accident, my family has practically wrapped me with bubble wrap. But it didn't stop me from doing more stupid stuff. 

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